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Parenting
By: Jenna Robinson
Updated: Dec. 20, 2015
Originally Published: Nov. 7, 2015
To clarify, my child is in kindergarten, and for his age, his project was anything but subpar. In fact, it was a charming display of youthful creativity and effort. (I might be a tad partial, of course.)
Having navigated the challenges with my oldest child, who is now 10 and in fifth grade, I’ve learned some vital lessons. It’s never been an option for me to complete his homework, but I also realized that hovering over him while he procrastinates, insisting on perfection until we’re both in tears, isn’t sustainable either. Reliving my own academic successes through him won’t foster his learning. After countless nights grappling with spelling and wrestling with complex math concepts, I came to this realization.
When my youngest (now in kindergarten) was assigned a poster project about his future aspirations, I recognized he needed direction but I wasn’t about to take over. Still, my mind raced with possibilities. We could visit local fire stations, snap pictures, print them, and carefully arrange them on the poster with perfect precision. It would be stunning.
Or I could be realistic and acknowledge that would require far too much effort from me. No thanks.
So, on a Sunday afternoon before the project was due, we gathered at the table to transform a blank poster into “I want to be a firefighter.”
“I want to draw pictures, Mommy,” he declared.
I may have quietly sighed in relief at that moment.
With crayons and colored pencils ready, I sat with him, guiding him through the creative process. I offered ideas when he seemed unsure and demonstrated how to sketch concepts on scrap paper—except for the fire hose that turned out looking suspiciously like a phallus (the one error I made). I spelled out words he couldn’t grasp and helped him organize his poster for clarity.
And just like that, in 30 minutes, he finished. His work was completed, and both of us felt a sense of pride. I was proud of him, and he was proud of what he accomplished.
A few days later, as I observed the other projects during a classroom presentation, I noticed some students had meticulously arranged tiny pieces of paper in perfect alignment, showcasing a level of diligence that was impressive.
For a brief moment, I felt a twinge of regret that I hadn’t put in more effort for my youngest. But then I quickly reminded myself: “Absolutely not!” What he submitted was a genuine reflection of his abilities, not mine. He chose how to create it, what to include, and what information to convey. It was his work, not mine.
Sure, his project might not have measured up to the standards of some of his classmates, but in fifth grade, when he faces a last-minute diorama or a forgotten science experiment, he won’t mistakenly believe that I will swoop in to complete it at the last minute.
I’m committed to setting this precedent from the beginning. Yes, in kindergarten, we’re expected to provide more assistance than we might as they grow older, but I’ll support, guide, and offer advice, while ensuring they do the work themselves. They don’t go to work on my behalf, so why should I do the work for them? What valuable lesson would that impart? Nothing.
My youngest succeeded in his age-appropriate, mostly independent project, and his teacher commended him for his effort. That’s the lesson he needed to internalize—not the notion that “Mom will fix it if you struggle.”
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Summary
This article discusses the importance of allowing children to take ownership of their projects and the lessons that come from doing their own work. By setting a precedent for independence early on, parents can help children learn responsibility and confidence, preparing them for future challenges without the expectation of parental intervention.