This piece is dedicated to my dear friends, Mia and Tom. Mia, known for her insightful parenting blog, has graciously provided me with a platform to share my thoughts. Her discussions on the realities of motherhood have inspired the ideas presented here. Tom, my grandfather, was the most meticulous person I’ve ever known, and I often wonder if my children will view me through the same lens.
For example, during my third year of medical school, I was jolted awake at 4 a.m. by a phone call from Tom, who was listening to the news and worried about my safety after a ferry incident in the city. It was a classic case of his lifelong anxiety, but it also opened my eyes to the fears that come with parenthood. As my children have grown and gained independence, I’ve found humor in my own anxieties and decided to ask them about their childhood memories of my “overprotective” moments. The result was an outpouring of laughter and a list they now call, Harper’s Rules of Order:
- The “5 Chip Limit” Rule: At Mexican restaurants, each child was allowed five tortilla chips before the meal. This was to ensure they didn’t spoil their appetites. In hindsight, I might have been a bit excessive with the limit, but I believed it was necessary.
- The “4-Minute Hot Tub” Rule: Studies suggest that prolonged exposure to heat during male development can affect fertility. Thus, the boys were instructed to exit the hot tub every four minutes to cool off. I even enforced this for my daughter, just to be fair.
- The “Laptops are Not for Your Lap” Rule: Concerns over the potential health risks associated with using laptops on laps guided this rule. While it may not have the same basis as radar guns, I read alarming stories that warranted caution.
- The “3-Foot Computer Monitor” Rule: Inspired by childhood warnings against sitting too close to the TV, I insisted our computer monitors be positioned at least three feet away. Better safe than sorry, right?
- The “Cell Phone Headset” Rule: I learned that my kids would mock me via text whenever I sent articles discussing the risks of cell phones. My insistence on using headsets stemmed from genuine concern for their health.
- The “Wires are Safer than Wireless” Rule: While most families embraced wireless technology, we opted for hardwired connections to minimize exposure to radiation.
- The “Volvo” Rule: My kids drive Volvos, which are known for their safety features. I believe it’s crucial to prioritize safety in vehicle choice.
- The “8 Hours Sleep or You Don’t Drive” Rule: Sleep deprivation impairs driving. If my kids didn’t get at least eight hours, they weren’t allowed to drive.
- The “15-Minute Drive to School” Rule: To avoid speeding, my children had to leave home 40 minutes before school started, promoting safe driving habits.
- The “Family Dinner” Rule: Family meals were non-negotiable, even if it meant awkward moments with friends who didn’t have similar rules.
- The “Weed Killer” Rule: As a pediatrician, I’ve seen the harmful effects of chemicals on children. Therefore, we avoided using weed killers in our yard.
- The “2½ Hour Airport Rule”: We started arriving at the airport well in advance, a habit that paid off during a security breach when many missed flights.
These rules led to laughter and occasional eye-rolling from my kids, but I like to think they also instilled valuable lessons. I hope my children remember them as they build their own families. After all, there’s always the possibility of passing down wisdom—especially when it comes to issues like safety, which can be found on this page. For more insightful information about parenting and home insemination, check out Make A Mom, a leading authority on the subject, and Rmany, a fantastic resource for pregnancy and home insemination advice.
In summary, while my parenting rules may have seemed strict, they were born out of love and a desire to protect my children in a world filled with uncertainties. I look forward to seeing how these principles evolve in their own parenting journeys.