As a single mother, I find myself in a unique situation: it has been three years since I last engaged in sexual activity. The last time I experienced intimacy was on my son’s first birthday, and he is now four years old. As he celebrated with cake, I reflected on my own milestone: three years of abstaining from sex.
At that time, I was still in a relationship with my son’s father. However, as our connection deteriorated, friends suggested that my troubles could be resolved by simply finding someone to be intimate with. They believed that sex was the cure for my emotional struggles, but I recognized that it was not the answer I needed.
Shifting Focus
As I approach my 30s, the thought of seeking out sexual encounters feels daunting. My focus has shifted entirely to my responsibilities as a mother and my career. With a young child and living with my parents, the logistics of dating and intimacy become even more complicated. I was not only concerned about answering questions about my personal life but also about how to navigate relationships while managing a toddler.
After separating from my child’s father, I experienced a significant emotional toll. I channeled my energy into my career, often working long hours that left me too exhausted to consider dating. As my writing career progressed, I began to feel more confident and put effort into my appearance. However, when I found myself flirting with a charming individual at a bar, I realized that I still wasn’t ready for intimacy. My friends playfully encouraged me to explore dating, but I firmly expressed that I was content with my current situation.
Understanding My Choices
Many people may struggle to understand how one can suppress their sexual desires. For me, it was manageable since sex was never a primary focus in my life. I have always valued companionship, and I am currently not in a place where I seek new attachments. At this stage, I have come to appreciate the life I am building for myself. I am satisfied with my work, friends, and being a mother. The thought of spending energy on dating or seeking attention from men feels unnecessary. I enjoy my routines, including the freedom of not worrying about my appearance or going out to meet new people.
The Intimidation of Dating
The idea of dating again is intimidating. As I reflect on the changes in my body and my responsibilities as a mother, I find myself questioning if I have the energy to pursue a relationship. The logistics of arranging childcare for a night out seem overwhelming. While the prospect of flirting with attractive individuals sounds appealing, the reality of intimacy brings a wave of anxiety. I would prefer the comfort of my own space, indulging in ice cream and watching videos, rather than the complexities of a physical relationship.
Embracing My Journey
Ultimately, it’s clear that I am not yet ready for intimacy, and that’s perfectly acceptable. Embracing this phase of my life allows me to focus on what truly matters: my child and my own personal growth.
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Summary
Living as a single mother for three years without sexual intimacy has allowed me to focus on my child and career while navigating the complexities of life. Despite societal pressures and expectations, I find fulfillment in my current situation and embrace the journey of self-discovery.