Bedtime routines are a common practice for parents, often starting from the infancy stage. When my eldest child was born, we adhered to an extensive routine that included everything from gentle nursing in dim lighting to lullabies, storytime, and even elaborate prayers. As the years progressed, our routine became increasingly complex, ultimately leading us to abandon it altogether due to the overwhelming length. Now, we primarily focus on tooth brushing and a short prayer.
However, this streamlined approach does not prevent what I refer to as the “second act” of bedtime, which commences as soon as I switch off the light and exit the room. I often find myself counting silently in the hallway: “Five, four, three…” only to be interrupted by an immediate call from the children.
“Mom! I need a drink of water,” my 5-year-old son exclaims. I remind him that the water is right beside his bed, kiss him once more, and return to my chores in the kitchen.
Almost immediately, I hear the soft padding of little feet in the hallway. “Mom, I have to go to the bathroom,” he announces, and I respond with an affirmative. After he returns to his room, I resume my tasks, only to hear a creak on the floor.
“What is it?” I ask, a touch of irritation creeping into my voice, without turning around. “The fan is blowing on my feet,” comes his response. I head back to their room, where the toddler observes from her crib, and adjust the sheet over my son’s feet to keep him comfortable yet not too warm.
After another goodnight kiss, I return to the kitchen, but peace is short-lived. Half an hour later, I’m startled by a small face peering over the armchair, “I forgot to tell you something!” he says, and I brace myself for what’s to come.
“Buddy,” I respond, sometimes with a calm tone and other times with barely restrained frustration, “GET BACK INTO BED.” The pattern continues, and on challenging nights, this exchange can persist for two hours.
Could There Be a Better Way?
Research suggests there might be: the “sleep pass.” This concept, similar to a hall pass, provides children who frequently leave their beds a single opportunity to exit for legitimate reasons—whether it’s for a bathroom break, a drink of water, or a quick cuddle. Dr. Lisa Montgomery, a child behavior specialist, conducted a study involving a simple 5-by-7-inch card which allowed each child one get-out-of-bed-free moment. After using it, they were not permitted to leave their rooms again, and parents did not attend to any further calls.
The results were striking; the pass effectively eliminated crying and the need for children to leave their rooms. This method has been replicated with larger cohorts, and parents reported a significant decrease in the typical bedtime chaos. The beauty of this strategy lies in its ability to empower both parents and children during what is often an emotionally charged time. Children understand that they have one opportunity to leave their room, while parents can confidently maintain boundaries after that.
Tonight, I am implementing the sleep pass technique. If it minimizes the bedtime back-and-forth, it would be a welcome change. Beyond my own peace of mind, my son requires more sleep, and perhaps the consideration of a hall pass will be dull enough to encourage him to drift off to sleep.
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Conclusion
In summary, implementing a structured sleep pass system may significantly alleviate the bedtime struggle, helping both parents and children find a more peaceful conclusion to the day, while reinforcing healthy sleep habits.