In my household, M&Ms have become a staple. Yes, I intentionally give my children M&Ms on a daily basis. You might wonder why I would choose to provide them with sugary treats and food colorings that could potentially lead to behavioral issues. The answer is simple: sometimes, I need them to comply—whether it’s using the toilet, sitting quietly in the car, or picking up their toys. A little bribery goes a long way in maintaining peace.
As a parent with over two decades of experience, I’ve witnessed significant shifts in parenting culture. From the early days of the Internet, when it was still a nascent entity, to today’s digital age, where being offline can be seen as a statement against the norm. This evolution has brought both advantages—like finding reassurance from online communities—and disadvantages, such as the barrage of guilt-inducing articles that suggest every parenting choice can lead to dire consequences.
Recently, a new campaign, #NoShameParenting, was launched, which aims to alleviate the burden of guilt that many parents feel. While I have previously discussed the importance of guilt-free parenting, it’s always worth revisiting. Despite our awareness that letting children watch television is often harmless, new reports emerge regularly claiming it stunts cognitive development or fosters bad behavior.
Shame is counterproductive—it stifles honesty and can make us retreat in fear of judgment regarding our parenting choices. Here’s a quick guide to discerning what is worth feeling ashamed about:
- DO NOT feel guilty about using formula, breast milk, or any type of milk for your infant. All forms of nutrition are important.
- DO feel ashamed if you give your baby chocolate milk. It’s not appropriate for such a young age.
- DO NOT feel guilty about transitioning your toddler’s car seat to forward-facing once they meet the weight requirement. They don’t need to stay rear-facing indefinitely.
- DO feel ashamed if you don’t use a car seat at all. That’s simply unsafe.
- DO NOT feel guilty about allowing your child to watch educational programming. Shows like PBS can aid in learning essential skills.
- DO feel ashamed if you let them watch Caillou. It’s a show known for encouraging whining.
- DO NOT feel guilty about using Benadryl occasionally for a mild cold. Sleep is crucial for children.
- DO feel ashamed if you offer them alcohol. That crosses a line.
- DO NOT feel guilty about skipping bath night. A little dirt is generally harmless.
- DO feel ashamed if hygiene is neglected to the point of concern.
- DO NOT feel guilty about choosing between cloth and disposable diapers. It all comes down to personal preference.
- DO feel ashamed if your toddler is frequently having accidents in public. That’s inconsiderate.
Daily parenting decisions are not typically worth intense scrutiny. Remember, every parent has faced challenges, and those who judge you may not yet have experienced the trials of long car rides with restless children.
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In summary, parenting can be challenging enough without the added weight of shame. Focus on what truly matters for your family and let go of the unnecessary guilt.