As I stand in the driveway, my partner and I observe the U-Haul filled with our daughter’s belongings, ready for her journey from Austin to Los Angeles. At 18, she is about to embark on a gap year, interning and living independently. A whirlwind of emotions surges within me—excitement, anxiety, curiosity, joy, and fear. It’s a complex mix that surely deserves its own name.
Amidst this turmoil, certain thoughts surface:
- Is this really permissible? We allow 18-year-olds to live alone? What life skills does she possess? She struggles with basic tasks like loading the dishwasher—how will she manage bills and responsibilities? How can someone so young navigate work and education without a clear path? Wouldn’t it be more prudent for them to leave for college at 30?
- Did I adequately prepare her? Did I read enough parenting books? Were there moments I overlooked their teachings? Did I provide enough guidance while also allowing her the freedom to learn from her own mistakes? Did I share crucial information about relationships? Did I instill the importance of mindful driving? Did I teach her the value of hard work, regardless of the outcome? Did I help her understand her worth?
- Will she thrive? Will she make new friends? Will she enjoy her internship? Will she prioritize safety on the busy L.A. roads? Will she embrace her beliefs while remaining open to new perspectives? Will she discover her passions and ensure her daily life resonates with a greater purpose? Will she experience love and connection?
As we hold hands in the driveway, our daughter returns from an errand, only to accidentally bump her dad’s car into mine due to the awkward parking situation. We exchange a look filled with understanding and embrace tightly.
This feeling—so multifaceted—reminds me of the day I brought my children home from the hospital. Although my eldest is my stepdaughter, all those emotions were present when I secured her younger siblings in their car seats. I questioned my ability to be a good parent and worried about their future.
This experience encapsulates parenting: a profound emotional journey where your heart exists outside of your body, intertwined with another’s life. It’s the realization that, while they are individuals separate from you, they also carry your love and lessons with them. Each day from their birth marks a continuous narrative of love and gradual release. This connection, outside of romantic relationships, represents one of life’s deepest loves.
Though this isn’t our daughter’s first minor accident, soon we will be looking for a more suitable vehicle—one that won’t be driven by a teenager for a while. There are indeed some benefits to this process of letting go.
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Summary
Navigating the emotional landscape of parenting as children transition to adulthood can be daunting. This article explores the feelings of excitement, anxiety, and love that accompany a child’s departure for independence, questioning the readiness of young adults to manage responsibilities. It argues for a more cautious approach, considering the potential benefits of delaying college until a later age.