In the toy room, a viscous layer of lip balm coats the window, exuding a faint strawberry aroma. On the floor lies a flattened eos lip balm, devoid of a lid and now a haven for cat hair. It’s the pink one, my personal favorite, carrying the scent of toddler defiance.
Mega Bloks trucks soar through the air, despite my incessant warnings of “Stop throwing things!” The youngest has developed a lump on his head, and his shrieking reaches a pitch that feels as if it might shatter the lip balm-coated glass.
One toddler is securely placed in the time-out chair, wailing so fiercely it makes my throat ache. Meanwhile, I feel the sting of a bruise blossoming on my thigh from his earlier kicks as I wrestled him into submission. Another toddler, meanwhile, is throwing Hot Wheels at the wall, contributing to the fresh paint chipping away—a costly issue in our new apartment.
Boxes remain unpacked on the patio, remnants of our recent move, and they primarily contain a myriad of toys and supplies for kids. The kitchen countertop displays a broken food processor, its motor compromised after my attempt to make homemade almond butter this morning—a blow to my aspirations of being a “crunchy” mom. The trash now holds a clump of failed almond concoction, alongside a $10 bill that feels wasted.
An empty sippy cup sits in the living room, with its no-spill valve dislodged, likely due to its repeated flights across the room. A sour odor wafts through the house, the result of spilled milk, while a mischievous toddler laughs and dashes away when questioned. Ants march along the bathroom edges, scavenging crumbs from snacks I’ve repeatedly instructed the boys to keep in the kitchen.
The fridge holds an 18-count egg carton, completely drained of its contents. A cookie recipe, requiring two eggs, lies on the counter, while two boys wail in distress because I promised a baking session today.
On the floor, a baby gate lies discarded, and one toddler is exploring the litter box. To my horror, cat litter has made its way into his mouth. The aftermath is a chaotic blend of scattered litter and my frustration sticking to my socks. The vacuum cleaner in the closet is unusable, its filter full and the trash can overflowing.
Profanities are muttered under my breath—indeed, many profanities. Fruit flies buzz around, even though the last of the fruit has long since disappeared, and the boys are clamoring for “’nanas!” A dull throb in my head seems to pulse along with the theme song of a popular children’s show, leaving me counting down the minutes until my partner returns home.
As the minutes pass by—57 minutes until relief, 56 minutes and 54 seconds, 56 minutes and 48 seconds—I feel a burning sensation in my eyes. It’s reminiscent of an optometrist’s air puff test; I long to close them but feel compelled to endure.
Stress, anger, chaos, and frustration swirl around me. There’s an overwhelming sense of resentment and total exhaustion. This is motherhood. This is life. And I find I have no fight left in me.
Eventually, tears begin to flow—tears that cling to my eyelashes, blurring my view of the chaos surrounding me. They stream down my cheeks, saturating my unkempt hair that the kids managed to pull loose. They drip onto my sweatpants, mingling with remnants of dried yogurt flung at me during lunch. These tears, which should feel purifying, crash down like a hurricane, making me feel even more broken.
But then… two slender arms encircle me, not in the usual toddler chokehold. A tiny set of lips puckers in my direction, and I gaze into two beautiful hazel eyes—my own reflected back, filled with the tender concern of a child. “I love you, Mama,” is spoken sweetly, and in that moment, everything else fades away.
Summary:
Motherhood is a whirlwind of chaos, filled with challenges that can leave one feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Yet, amidst the disorder and frustrations, moments of love and connection from our children remind us of the profound rewards of being a parent. For those interested in the intricacies of conception and parenting, resources like this article on artificial insemination and this at-home insemination kit overview can provide valuable insights, while this blog post offers further engagement on related topics.