My youngest child, now 11 and significantly younger than his siblings, recently expressed a sudden realization that took me by surprise. As he processed his sister’s acceptance into college, he turned to me with wide eyes and said, “Wait a minute, it’ll just be you and me for the next…”—he began to count on his fingers—”nine years?”
“Oy vey,” I replied. “Maybe I should have skipped teaching you math.”
“Mom!” he exclaimed. I crouched down to meet his gaze, holding his eyes steady. “Yes, darling. Unless some charming stranger shows up to declare, ‘You complete me,’ it’s just us for the foreseeable future.”
“Who’s Jerry Ma-who?”
“Forget it. Just a character from a movie. But you complete me. We’ll have a great time, just the two of us! I promise.”
In response, he burst into tears. “But you’re so… boring!” he lamented. “You’re always working!”
His words hit hard, not because they were untrue. As a single mother and the sole breadwinner, my work often takes precedence. After separating from my husband, I took in boarders to help with the rent. My son enjoyed the lively atmosphere, filled with different personalities and pets, until I realized I needed peace to contemplate my future. We downsized, decluttered, and relocated to a quieter space.
I pulled him close, feeling his tense body relax against mine. He’s faced considerable challenges over the past two years—the family breakup, my health struggles leading to job losses, an overwhelming amount of work, a move from our spacious home to a compact apartment, and a longing for a father who is no longer present. Not to mention facing schoolyard bullies. It’s more than any child should bear. “I promise,” I reassured him, “I will make our life enjoyable.”
The question loomed: how?
One answer arrived in the form of a skateboard, a birthday gift that ignited a genuine passion in him. This toy has been instrumental in his transition from childhood to adolescence. Every weekend, I dedicate time to skate with him, creating memories and bonding over shared experiences.
Another solution came from him directly: “Play guitar with me,” he requested. Recently, I taught him his favorite song, “Come As You Are.” His obsession with Kurt Cobain began at the tender age of two, thanks to endless viewings of the Nirvana Unplugged DVD. This summer, we plan to tackle “Smells Like Teen Spirit.”
The third answer appeared in an email from my friend Claire, a photographer I collaborated with years ago in France. Claire’s son, Max, was looking to spend his gap year in the United States, and she inquired if I knew anyone who might host him. “Absolutely!” I replied. I proposed a trade: free lodging and some spending money in exchange for his assistance with Leo now that my daughter would be away. Having a male presence around him could be beneficial, especially with no family or ex-partners to lean on. Plus, with my daughter’s room now vacant, we had the space.
The final answer came unexpectedly, yet it seemed inevitable given the transitions my other children faced at similar ages. I won’t divulge her name—that’s his story to share. What I can say is this: she adores skateboarding, seems perfect for him, and captivated him from their very first encounter. Since she entered his life, his complaints about my boring nature have vanished.
For now, she completes him—not me. And that’s precisely how it should be. He has discovered the transformative power of love, which is our ultimate goal as parents. We must impart knowledge, whether it’s math or life skills, while also ensuring they know how to love deeply.
“If I teach you guitar,” he recently wrote to her, “you can teach me piano. Keep that trade in mind.” The other day, I overheard them laughing and making music together. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.
Provided that no significant hurdles arise, I’m optimistic that the next nine years will be anything but dull for him. In truth, I worry they might pass by too quickly.
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In summary, navigating single parenthood, especially after siblings have left, can be daunting yet rewarding. Through shared interests, new friendships, and unconditional love, we can create a fulfilling and exciting environment for our children.
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