We all have that one friend who constantly needs justification. “He’s usually not like this,” or “You’ll get to know his quirks eventually,” or “He has a unique sense of humor.” Eventually, it becomes clear that, despite your friendship, those explanations start feeling excessive. Perhaps it’s time for that person to own up to their actions.
Lately, I’ve felt this way about my little one. I won’t sugarcoat it: there are times when he can be incredibly challenging to be around. Sure, he often has his cheerful moments, but the past few months have been particularly rough.
Initially, during outings with friends, if he started acting out, I’d feel embarrassed and quickly explain away his behavior: “He missed his nap today.” “He’s teething.” “He’s hungry.” “The lights are too bright for him.” “We fed him too late. Bad move.”
But recently, I’ve shifted to simply calling it like it is. Sure, you can’t truly fault a toddler for being a toddler, but it’s time to stop covering for them. After several months of navigating the chaos of the “terrible twos,” I’ve decided I’m not going to take the blame any longer. Sorry, buddy, but sometimes it’s not me; it’s you.
Just yesterday, I was at a local bar with friends. My partner arrived a bit later with our son and joined us for a drink. My child hadn’t met everyone at the table before, but he usually warms up quickly. Unfortunately, he’s been leaning into this “terrible” phase. After a few minutes of hiding behind my partner, he erupted into screams whenever anyone looked his way.
As a seasoned parent of a toddler, I’ve grown weary of making excuses. Instead of offering some half-hearted rationale for his outburst, I simply stated, “Don’t worry about him; screaming is just his go-to these days. Nothing personal—he’s just being a little brat.”
I’m done shielding him from accountability. Now that he’s approaching three, it’s crucial for him to recognize that his behavior is his responsibility. Not everything is a reflection of how his parents have acted. He’s his own person, making his own choices. This is America! Right now, he’s choosing to be a handful, and I’m going to let him face the consequences. “Sure, I’m his father, but he’s responsible for his own actions. He’s the one who tossed the menu at you, so if you want to spit in his food, go ahead, not mine.”
This new perspective is quite liberating. Of course, there’s a distinction between no longer making excuses for his behavior and allowing it to go unchecked, and I certainly don’t advocate for the latter. We still discipline him and will continue to take responsibility for the person he grows up to be. The terrible twos are a rite of passage every parent encounters, regardless of their parenting style, and we simply need to endure the chaos. While doing so, we’re no longer going to let him off the hook.
It’s his reputation that’s at stake, and if he continues down this road, he’ll find himself unwelcome at every gathering in town. For more parenting insights, check out this post on managing toddler tantrums at Modern Family Blog.
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In summary, the journey through the toddler phase can be tumultuous, but it’s essential to step back from constant justifications. Allow your child to take ownership of their behavior while still providing guidance and discipline.
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