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Parenting
It’s Acceptable to Simply Decline
by Jamie Thompson
Sep. 14, 2015
Dear New Parent,
Welcome to the journey of parenthood! Congratulations on your precious little one! Since announcing your pregnancy, you’ve likely received a flood of advice about parenting—some insightful, some questionable, and some quite peculiar. While you may feel inclined to nod along and dismiss much of what you hear, there is one piece of guidance I urge you to seriously consider in the upcoming weeks and months: It’s perfectly fine to just say “no.”
The next few weeks are bound to be a bit chaotic for you—don’t fret, this is entirely normal! Your life has changed in the most beautiful way. You’ll likely find yourself fatigued and overwhelmed, focusing primarily on caring for your baby. And that’s absolutely acceptable. In the initial weeks, everyone understands. Neighbors might drop off frozen meals, relatives may help with laundry, and friends will insist on holding the baby while you take a much-needed nap. Nobody will judge the messy dishes or the unkempt lawn, and no one will expect you to bake or organize anything. Treasure these moments—though they’re challenging, if you have a supportive network around you, you should be able to rest and prioritize what truly matters.
However, something curious tends to occur when your baby reaches the one-month milestone. While your newborn is still on their basic eat-sleep-poop routine, those around you may start to feel that a month is a significant timeframe, suggesting you should be resuming your regular life. That pre-baby life included commitments that can now feel overwhelming.
Yes, last fall you baked dozens of cookies for the charity bake sale, but now even the thought of shopping for ingredients seems daunting. It’s okay to just say “no.”
Certainly, when your friend had her wedding, you organized her bridal shower, but now your mind feels clouded, making it hard to even sort laundry, let alone plan an event for thirty people. It’s okay to just say “no.”
And while lunch with college friends sounds delightful, you may be apprehensive about exposing your infant to germs or struggling to find a place for a car seat. It’s okay to just say “no.”
You’re allowed to decline because it’s nap time, you’re exhausted, or you simply believe you can’t manage it. You can say “no” because your baby struggles in the afternoons, or you wish to savor every moment before returning to work, or perhaps breastfeeding is proving challenging.
It’s completely acceptable to say “no” if you feel uncomfortable bringing your newborn around unfamiliar faces, if you’re concerned about noise levels, or if you just yearn for a peaceful evening at home with your partner. Whatever your reason, if you’re not interested, it’s perfectly fine to just say “no.”
You can decline politely or assertively, provide an explanation, or keep it brief. Just remember, don’t agree to something when your heart says “no.”
Motherhood is demanding at any stage, but caring for a newborn is particularly intensive. Do not feel guilty about prioritizing your baby, yourself, and your family. In due course, you will find yourself saying “yes” again, and as your children mature, your affirmative responses will surpass your rejections.
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Summary
Embrace the ability to say “no” during the early stages of parenthood. It’s a challenging time filled with adjustments, and prioritizing your wellbeing and your baby’s is essential. Recognize that it’s acceptable to decline invitations or commitments that don’t align with your current capacity, ensuring that your focus remains where it needs to be.