Navigating the complexities of parenting tweens and teens can be challenging, as demonstrated by my recent experience with my daughter, who is in her pre-teen years. After a disagreement regarding her use of ask.fm—despite our explicit instructions against it—she exhibited her discontent by rolling her eyes and retreating to her room with an exaggerated stomp. This behavior, typical of a 12-year-old, highlighted the realities of adolescent defiance.
The root of our conflict was her interpretation of our rules surrounding online safety, specifically in relation to the website’s age requirements. The platform’s Terms of Service clearly state that users must be at least 13 years old, a regulation established under the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act. Despite our efforts to communicate this boundary, she argued that she was not violating the rule since she did not possess an account. Our discussion escalated, leading to her frustrated exit from the conversation.
Later that evening, while reflecting on the situation with my partner, I found myself questioning my approach to parenting. Was I being too restrictive? Did I risk being labeled a helicopter parent? However, I recalled the wisdom of football coach Lou Holtz: “Know your mandate.” This mantra shifted my perspective and reassured me of the importance of my parenting decisions.
My Parenting Responsibilities
In my view, my responsibilities as a parent encompass several key areas:
- Ensuring my child’s safety.
- Promoting her health.
- Expressing love and affection.
- Supporting her education.
- Instilling respect and responsibility, including adherence to laws and our household rules.
While every parent may define their mandate differently, I prioritize these principles. I acknowledge that I cannot protect my daughter indefinitely; as she matures, my focus will shift toward teaching her how to navigate challenges independently.
What Does Not Fall Within My Role
Understanding my mandate also helps me clarify what does not fall within my role as a parent:
- I am not my child’s friend.
- I do not have to fulfill all her desires.
- My decisions can differ from those of other parents.
- I am not her sole source of entertainment.
- Ultimately, her happiness is her own responsibility.
This last point is often the most difficult for both of us. Many parents strive to avoid causing their children unhappiness, yet it’s crucial to remember that emotional well-being is an individual responsibility that must be cultivated.
Tweens and teens possess the capability to manage themselves, although their choices may not always reflect this potential. Encouraging responsible decision-making can lead to greater satisfaction in their lives, but navigating this learning process can be painful for both parents and children.
Recognizing my mandate empowers me to maintain my stance, even when it feels isolating. I understand that my rules regarding social media usage may not align with those of other parents. However, knowing that my choices align with my parenting mandate reinforces my confidence in my approach.
Lou Holtz’s advice transcends the football field, offering valuable insight for parenting. By understanding your mandate and ultimate goals, you can better remain steadfast in your decisions. While parenting adolescents is challenging, the clarity of purpose can make the journey more manageable.
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In summary, understanding your parenting mandate is crucial in navigating the challenges of raising tweens and teens. It helps clarify your responsibilities and the boundaries you set, ensuring you remain focused on your ultimate goals.