In recent conversations with fellow mothers, I’ve found myself offering unsolicited advice that can feel quite personal. “Definitely don’t hesitate to use a nipple shield,” I suggested to a woman I met just moments prior. “Cracked nipples can be a real nightmare!” I also warned another mother about the vibrant orange hue of her baby’s diapers after introducing sweet potatoes.
In moments like these, it becomes challenging to distinguish between close friends and mere acquaintances. The shared experience of motherhood creates a unique bond that often fosters an unexpected intimacy. While I typically wouldn’t advise someone I barely know about their breastfeeding journey, a first-time mom in our support group is welcomed into the fold without hesitation.
As I navigate my early 30s, I find myself in a phase where many friends are starting families. Two of my close friends welcomed babies shortly after mine, creating a space for shared experiences. These are my ‘friends who are moms’—people I’ve known and valued for years, now adding parenting discussions to our existing friendship. They understand that movie nights must commence after the little ones are asleep and send out invitations that cheerfully proclaim, “babies welcome :)” Our children are not seen as an inconvenience; rather, we adapt together, embracing the new reality of parenting.
However, I’ve also met a different group of ‘mom friends’—individuals I probably wouldn’t have engaged with if it weren’t for our simultaneous journeys into motherhood. While they are undoubtedly wonderful women, I often find that my knowledge of their lives beyond motherhood is limited. I might know all about their child’s favorite toys and sleeping habits, yet I know little about the woman behind the title of “mother.” These connections are often rooted solely in our shared experiences as parents.
Fortunately, the line between these two groups isn’t rigid. Many of my ‘friends who are moms’ started as mere acquaintances in the same breastfeeding circle. Over time, I’ve discovered their interests, careers, and lives beyond motherhood, allowing them to emerge as whole individuals in my eyes.
As my child grows and begins to form her own friendships, I anticipate that my network of ‘mom friends’ will evolve. Birthday parties and playdates will bring new opportunities for connection, and casual encounters will likely transform into deeper relationships. For now, I find myself discussing topics like nipple creams and diaper contents with women I’ve just met. This unusual familiarity arises from our collective need for adult connection and validation, as we navigate the challenges of motherhood together. While these friendships may lack the depth of my long-standing relationships, they serve a vital purpose in our lives.
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In summary, the dynamics of motherhood often lead to the formation of unique friendships that may vary in depth and understanding. While ‘friends who are moms’ share a strong bond built on mutual experiences, ‘mom friends’ may represent a more superficial connection, rooted primarily in our shared parenting journeys. Both types of relationships are necessary as we navigate the complexities of motherhood, offering validation and camaraderie along the way.