While my 8-year-old daughter, Sophie, engaged in a spirited game of football with her father, an unfamiliar man passed by and commented on her skill. The praise, however, seemed to carry an underlying assumption related to her gender. After this remark, I heard my husband say, “Yes, she has two brothers.” Instantly, I felt a pang of discomfort. The suggestion that Sophie’s talent was noteworthy simply because she is a girl, combined with the notion that her brothers somehow contributed to her abilities, struck a nerve that I didn’t fully recognize until becoming a mother.
Growing up, I experienced a different set of expectations than my brother. My parents frequently cautioned my sisters and me about potential dangers, while my brother received no such warnings. As a young woman, I became acutely aware of the gender pay gap and the unwelcome attention I received while simply walking to work. I accepted these disparities without much thought, acknowledging my parents’ protective instincts, yet I often felt overshadowed by superficial compliments about my appearance. It was a reality I accepted, albeit begrudgingly, but it never compelled me to take action.
However, everything changed when I became a mother to a daughter.
I acknowledge that I might often advise Sophie to be cautious, more so than I would for my son, Jake. This is a reality I won’t ignore. I will empower Sophie to pursue her passions in any field—be it arts, science, politics, or athletics. I will teach her to assert her right to equal treatment and to respond to any surprise at her achievements with confidence, whether it’s a simple “thank you” or “I’ve been practicing.” Her response will not require justification.
I’m aware that growing up alongside brothers can help shape skills, but it’s vital to recognize that not all boys are interested in sports and not all girls gravitate towards traditional activities. Children should not be pigeonholed by their siblings’ interests or achievements. Importantly, I am convinced that Sophie’s ability to excel in football stems solely from her dedication and practice, rather than any influence from her brothers.
She does not need validation, and I stand firm in that belief.
While I shy away from heavy labels, if educating my wonderful, bright, and talented daughter about these fundamental truths qualifies as feminism, then I wholeheartedly embrace it.
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Summary
My experience as a mother of a daughter has led me to reevaluate my understanding of gender roles and equality. I am committed to empowering my daughter to recognize her worth and capabilities while challenging societal assumptions that diminish her achievements based on her gender. Embracing this feminist perspective is an essential part of my parenting journey.