As he approaches the age of eight, the summer before his second-grade year, I find myself still lying beside him until sleep takes hold. My son, whom I often describe as a live wire, is perpetually lost in thought. His mind races, and his body follows suit. While he tolerates affection and will allow cuddling, he rarely reciprocates the warmth. Unlike my younger child, who melts into my embrace, he remains rigid, and sleep has always eluded him—whether as an infant, toddler, or young child. The process of unwinding is challenging for him, and he has consistently required assistance with it.
He primarily needs me to help him settle down for the night. While his father occasionally steps in, I am his preferred choice, and I end up fulfilling this role nearly every evening. Why is this so? Perhaps it’s the inherent bond between mother and child, the countless nights we’ve shared in this routine, or simply his familiarity with me. Most likely, it’s a combination of all these factors. Despite the time it takes and my own exhaustion, I cherish this special time.
A Safe Space for Sharing
Once the lights dim, he begins to relax. He often confides in me, his voice sometimes cracking as he reveals worries that have troubled him. Occasionally, it’s a concern that’s lingered for weeks, finally ready to be expressed. Other times, he excitedly shares details about his latest obsession, whether it’s a video game or a television show (his interests change rapidly). Each conversation feels significant and sacred for both of us.
This summer brought a move, adding to his anxiety. What used to be a 20-minute process has occasionally stretched much longer. In moments of distress, he has said, “I can’t fall asleep,” to which I reassure him, “I know you will. Your body needs rest, and it will come.” In the past, I could excuse myself if the process took too long, allowing his father to take over. However, that option has recently been rejected.
Lessons in Patience and Understanding
On one particularly lengthy night, I felt my restlessness growing, my patience wearing thin. I was trying to hide my frustration; it had been a long day with the kids, and nearing 10 p.m., I was ready for the evening to end. Resentment crept in as I realized that my parenting duties extended far longer than my husband’s. But then, I heard a soft sigh of surrender, and I quietly slipped out of his room. Moments later, he appeared in the kitchen, squinting at the harsh light. “I just really need you to stay,” he said, his voice trembling, tears glistening in his eyes. In that instant, all my frustration melted away, replaced by regret. “I’m sorry, sweetheart,” I replied, pulling him into a warm embrace. I wasn’t certain if he sensed my earlier irritation, but I genuinely felt remorseful.
I was profoundly touched by his ability to express his needs so simply and honestly. My son is bright and articulate, yet like many children—especially those who are quite intellectual—he sometimes struggles to convey his emotions without sounding whiny.
Creating Safe Spaces
While our arrangement may seem unconventional to some, it works for us. I believe that, in time, he will outgrow this need for my presence at bedtime. Through countless hours spent nurturing him—first as a nursing infant, then as a cuddly toddler, and now simply by being there to listen—I hope to have instilled in him the understanding that his feelings and needs are valid, and that there are safe spaces in the world where he can share them.
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Conclusion
In summary, my nightly routine of helping my son transition to sleep is a cherished part of our relationship. As he navigates his emotions and fears, I strive to create a safe environment that fosters open communication about his needs.