While I thrive in social settings, I often find myself drawn to solitary work. As a writer, I have spent significant time alone, particularly during the eight years I managed a cleaning business. I cherish solitude, allowing my thoughts and ideas to flow freely through the words I type or speak into my earbuds. My days would often involve listening to a mix of informative and entertaining radio programs, such as Howard Stern, NPR, and ESPN Radio, streamed directly to my smartphone. This provided both amusement and insight, granting my mind the freedom to wander through creative landscapes. In those moments, solitude never felt like loneliness.
Recently, I transitioned to being a stay-at-home parent, a decision made with my partner to better manage our finances while caring for our twin boys and our daughter in preschool. My early morning writing sessions now serve as my primary oasis of solitude. Despite being accompanied by our lively family dog and two energetic toddlers, I often grapple with feelings of loneliness throughout the day.
My boys and I have established a routine filled with activities: playgroups, library visits, trips to Costco, and outings to the park. While we interact with others, these encounters rarely provide me with the social fulfillment I seek. Although we bond through parenthood, not all parents become friends. I appreciate the diverse parenting styles around me, but my laid-back approach often doesn’t align with more serious parents. I may enjoy a drink at noon or express my frustrations silently, which sometimes creates a disconnect.
Despite my deep love for my children, there are days when I wish for a little space. However, each night, I find myself concerned that time is slipping away too quickly. I feel guilty when the challenges of parenting overshadow the joy of these fleeting moments. I often reminisce about the hugs, laughter, and the comforting weight of my boys on my lap that I might miss amidst the chaos.
Most of my family is occupied with work or lives too far away for spontaneous visits, so I turn to my online community for solace. I can still enjoy radio programs, but the interruptions from my toddlers can be overwhelming. Nonetheless, I accept that this is part of the journey, yet it makes it difficult to savor adult interactions.
During the rare quiet moments in my day, I engage with my phone. I scroll through social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, skimming articles and news headlines. I share pictures of my children and post updates to maintain my connection to the outside world. These brief distractions help alleviate the boredom and loneliness that can accompany a day spent primarily with young children.
I also find fellow parents navigating similar challenges, offering a sense of camaraderie in the chaos of toddler negotiations. By reading articles that resonate with my experiences, I find validation and humor in the absurdities of parenting. Beautifully written pieces remind me that I am doing well, while also encouraging me to strive for improvement.
Through these digital interactions, I feel supported by a community of individuals—many of whom I have never met—who understand my unvoiced thoughts and my need for connection. I embrace my role as a parent, but I acknowledge my humanity as well. My phone serves as a lifeline, keeping me tethered to my sanity and the broader world beyond my home.
Though I continue to embrace solitary work, I find comfort in the reminders from my online community that this phase is temporary. I am encouraged to appreciate all the moments, regardless of whether they are enjoyable or challenging, because this season of life passes swiftly. Each time I feel isolated, I reach for my phone, finding reassurance in the connections I’ve cultivated.
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Summary
This piece reflects on the balance between solitude and the loneliness that can arise from being a stay-at-home parent. Through the lens of social media, the author finds connection and support, navigating the challenges of parenting while cherishing the fleeting moments of joy with her children.