When I welcomed my daughter into the world a year ago, my partner dutifully shared the news: she weighed this much, measured that long, and yes, “mom and baby are doing well.” This phrase, which seems to accompany every birth announcement, suddenly struck me as absurd.
Doing well? Really?
The reality was far from “well.” I endured a challenging labor; the epidural failed me, and my partner’s nervousness translated into an awkward grip on my IV, leaving bruises on my hand. The nurse was clearly inexperienced, and after the delivery, I felt every stitch. Now, this precious baby was out in the world, clearly unsettled. I couldn’t fault her; our first photos captured two bewildered individuals, neither one of us looking remotely “well.”
Lying in bed, listening to her cries while being unable to comfort her, I felt a surge of frustration. Surely, we couldn’t be the first mother-baby duo to be mistakenly labeled as “well.” How many other women were given this same misleading label after their own childbirth experiences? Sleep, emotional support, and perhaps a late-night meal from the hospital cafeteria—these were essentials that many women, including myself, desperately needed. I couldn’t help but wonder if our “baby-friendly” hospital was genuinely supporting my little one, confined in a plastic bassinet, with two inexperienced adults trying to make sense of this new reality.
It infuriated me that two individuals who had just experienced such an intense journey could be deemed as merely “well.” This sentiment echoed what I had discovered throughout my pregnancy: unless one faced a dire situation, they were considered “fine.” Pain? Fear? These were to be overlooked in favor of prenatal vitamins and strict adherence to guidelines. And heaven forbid you express anything less than joy during those 40 weeks, as so many others would envy your “fine” status.
I reflected on my supposed “luck” in having completed such a “fine” pregnancy. Setting aside my discomfort, feelings of helplessness, and anxiety about the future, I realized that while I had endured stress, it was now behind us. Yet, despite the challenges, we were far from “fine.” No, after all that, we were extraordinary. That beautiful little girl? She was the most captivating baby I’d ever seen, and I had created her, essentially on my own.
Do we label an athlete who completes an Ironman as “fine”? No, she is exceptional. Were the gladiators in the arena merely “fine”? No, they were heroes. Did anyone refer to the brilliance of Michelangelo’s work as “fine”? No, he was a genius. Did Joseph tell the angels that Mary and Jesus were doing “fine”? Perhaps, but that was likely a gross understatement.
My newborn daughter and I were on top of the world, despite our inability to walk or communicate effectively. While we were unsure of what lay ahead, we were undeniably great. We knew a few essential truths: we were loved, we were alive, and we had each other.
Let’s stop using the term “fine.” It’s misleading. Instead, let’s acknowledge the miraculous journey of mom and baby; they are warriors. They have triumphed over the trials of childbirth and are ready to embrace whatever challenges life may present. Mom and baby are ready to take on the world—once mom can manage to get out of bed independently.
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Summary
The notion that “mom and baby are doing fine” is a misleading phrase that oversimplifies the complexities of childbirth and early motherhood. Instead of accepting this label, it’s important to recognize the extraordinary journey both mother and child undertake, filled with challenges and triumphs that go far beyond mere “wellness.”