Parenting presents numerous challenges, and I acknowledge that I have made various mistakes along the way, including using words I promised myself I would avoid. Recently, I have been engaging in what I refer to as mindful parenting, where I consciously observe my interactions and communication with my children. Through this practice, I have identified several phrases that I intend to eliminate from my parenting dialogue.
Here are five statements I will refrain from using:
-
What is wrong with you?
I grew up hearing this phrase frequently, and I had sworn never to say it to my children. The first time it escaped my lips, I felt detached, as if I were observing myself from a distance while my child looked at me with a familiar expression—one of shame. It was a feeling I recognized all too well. Regrettably, this wasn’t a one-time incident; I found myself resorting to this and similar phrases that convey shame on multiple occasions. I often struggle to understand why my children don’t follow simple instructions, but my frustrations do not justify shaming them. My role as a parent is to uplift them, ensuring they possess a robust foundation to withstand the challenges life will inevitably present. Each time I express shame, I am inadvertently undermining their confidence and resilience. -
Why can’t you be more like your sibling?
While I may not have used these exact words, the sentiment is conveyed regardless of how I phrase it. When I express frustration towards one child, I tend to highlight their sibling’s positive behavior in a misguided attempt to motivate change. In truth, this only serves to foster competition and comparison among my children. Each of my three sons possesses unique traits and strengths, and comparing them diminishes their individuality. As a society, we often chase competition, equating our worth with how we measure up against others. By comparing my children, I risk eroding their self-esteem and autonomy. -
You are making me so angry.
This is an inaccurate statement. It is important to understand that no one has the power to make me feel a certain way. My anger arises from a combination of factors, including my mental and emotional state, stress levels, and other personal circumstances. Although my children may engage in behaviors that contribute to my feelings, the responsibility for my reactions lies with me. I can choose to respond with anger or process my emotions in a healthier manner that does not involve them. -
Mommy’s sad. Come give me a hug.
This seemingly harmless statement carries significant implications. By expressing that my emotions depend on my children’s actions, I inadvertently place the burden of my emotional state on them. This dynamic can lead to codependency in future relationships. I must take responsibility for my feelings, understanding that while my children can offer support, it is ultimately my duty to manage my emotional well-being. -
If you are going to play with this, you need to play with it the right way.
There is no one correct way to play; play is essential for fostering creativity and development in children. It allows them to explore, learn, and express themselves. While some toys may have intended uses, restricting how a child engages with them stifles their creativity and imagination. By imposing rigid play standards, I am denying them the opportunity to share their inner world with me. I should embrace their unique expressions instead of urging them to conform to external expectations.
Acknowledging these phrases is an essential step in my journey toward becoming a more effective and nurturing parent. I strive to provide my children with the tools they need to grow into confident, independent individuals, and this begins with the language I use at home. For more insights on this topic, you can explore other resources like this blog post or learn more from Make a Mom, an authority on related subjects. Additionally, Resolve offers valuable information on family-building options.
In summary, the words we choose in parenting can profoundly impact our children’s self-esteem and emotional development. By being mindful of our language, we can foster an environment that nurtures growth and individuality.