Recently, my sister-in-law took my toddler for an overnight stay, allowing my partner and I to enjoy a rare evening out for our anniversary. The following day, we visited my parents to say goodbye to my two younger siblings—one heading off to law school in Oregon and the other embarking on a year-long adventure in Australia. We capped off the weekend with a family gathering at my sister-in-law’s home. It was a whirlwind of activity.
By the time Sunday night arrived, our toddler was utterly fatigued after a night with relatives and no naps. One might assume that a tired child would easily drift off to sleep, but as many parents can attest, exhaustion can often lead to heightened energy. Instead of peacefully surrendering to slumber, he was fueled by an abundance of toddler enthusiasm. By the time he finally succumbed to sleep, we were equally worn out, holding onto a naive hope for a later wake-up call the next morning. We were mistaken.
Stage 1: Denial
In the depths of sleep, you find yourself blissfully unaware of the impending toddler turmoil. Suddenly, a distant wail penetrates your dreams, jolting you awake. As the cries escalate, confusion sets in. Is that our child? What time is it? Surely, he can’t be awake! You try to will the cries to subside, convincing yourself it must be a fleeting nightmare. But the cries only grow louder, and he starts calling for you. Your partner stirs, “Is that him?” You remain silent, hoping he will tend to the situation so you can return to your peaceful slumber. As he reluctantly gets up, you can’t help but smile at your good fortune in choosing the right partner.
Stage 2: Anger
You nestle deeper under the covers, attempting to return to sleep, yet the dialogue between father and child reaches your ears with alarming clarity. “What’s wrong?” “Mommy!” “Do you want me to sing?” “No, Mommy!” The frustration builds within you. All day, the child sought his father’s attention, but the moment you crave rest, he suddenly desires you. Your partner enters the room, “He wants you.” Your irritation is palpable as you dramatically toss off the covers and let out an exaggerated sigh, “Ugh!”
Stage 3: Bargaining
With a heavy heart, you shuffle into the toddler’s room, where he stands in his crib, pointing at the chair beside him and demanding, “Song!” The bargaining begins. “Alright, one song, and then you must go back to sleep.” You croak out the alphabet, pondering why your raspy, middle-of-the-night voice seems to captivate him. As you prepare to leave, he interrupts with a demand for water. “Okay, but you must sleep afterward.” Soon, you find yourself ensnared in an endless cycle of requests for drinks, kisses, hugs, and songs.
Stage 4: Depression
The thought crosses your mind: I may never sleep again. You feel as though you are destined to remain in this room for hours, pleading with a tiny human to sleep. You slump into a chair next to the crib, resting your head against the railing as tears threaten to spill. Your child appears to be enjoying himself, laughing and bouncing around, seemingly untouched by the need for rest. You mourn the precious nighttime hours slipping away, counting them silently to yourself.
Stage 5: Acceptance
You wipe away your tears and lift your toddler from the crib. He snuggles into you, resting his head on your shoulder as you walk back to your bedroom. “You can stay in Mommy and Daddy’s bed for the rest of the night, but you must sleep nicely.” You chuckle to yourself, pondering what “sleep nicely” truly means. As you settle in beside him, you think that for tonight, this is indeed comforting. However, your thoughts are abruptly interrupted at 4:30 a.m. when a tiny yet powerful foot connects with your face, reminding you of the reality of “sleep nicely.”
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Summary:
Parenting a toddler who struggles with sleep can be a tumultuous experience characterized by a series of emotional phases—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and ultimately, acceptance. Each stage presents its own challenges, often leaving parents yearning for rest while navigating their child’s unpredictable sleep patterns.