Do you recognize THAT kid? The one who seems too grown-up to be throwing a fit in the middle of the towel aisle at Target? THAT kid who relentlessly tosses mulch at others on the playground. THAT kid who can’t seem to stop using “potty words.” THAT kid who pushes boundaries a little too far. THAT kid who is wailing at the top of his lungs in a restaurant. THAT kid who tries to punch a stranger for simply saying, “Hello!” THAT kid whose behavior makes you tell your children to steer clear because you don’t want them influenced by him.
You think you understand THAT kid, but you really don’t.
You haven’t witnessed how many hours his mom has spent in waiting rooms, working with pediatric therapists, researching diets, and diving into behavior modification techniques. You don’t know how many days his dad has taken off work, how many years he’s spent giving sponge baths, or how he has perfected the ‘squeezy hug’ method to calm him down. You can’t imagine the pride that swells when THAT kid greets his therapist with a hug, only to feel heartbroken moments later when he spits at her. You haven’t seen him miss out on birthday parties, rides at amusement parks, playdates, story times, and movies because he “can’t make it stop”—whatever the latest challenge may be.
You’re not aware that THAT kid was once a calm, cheerful baby until a virus at just seven weeks old seemed to flip a switch in his personality. You don’t know that, if given the chance, he would happily snuggle in a chair all day, wrapped in his favorite blanket, avoiding the world outside. You don’t see how attuned he is to the feelings of others; he’s the first to notice when an animal is scared and the first to offer his beloved blanket for comfort. You don’t realize how gentle he is with babies, carefully observing every tiny detail. You don’t recognize that each morning begins with him asking his mom how she slept the night before. You don’t understand how he shares his treats without expecting a bite in return. You don’t know that he loves to cook—breakfast is his specialty. You don’t know that deep down, he feels out of place in the world but isn’t sure how to change that.
You have no idea how fiercely one can love a little person.
I know all of this and more because THAT kid is my son, Jacob. And don’t you forget it.
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In summary, the complexities of parenting a child who exhibits challenging behaviors are often hidden from the outside world. Beneath the surface lies a story of love, resilience, and understanding that is not always visible but is deeply felt.
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