As of yesterday, I have celebrated 16 wonderful years of marriage with my partner, Brie (a playful nickname I use). It has truly been a rewarding experience, and I want to share some insights into what contributes to our happiness. Rather than focusing solely on what we do, I believe it is equally important to highlight what we consciously avoid in our relationship.
Throughout my observations of various partnerships, I’ve identified certain behaviors that can lead to conflicts or dissatisfaction. Here are 16 things that Brie and I refrain from doing, which may explain our enduring happiness together.
- We don’t assign blame. Whether it’s household chores, parenting duties, or financial issues, it’s easy to point fingers when things go awry. However, we view ourselves as a team, and blame only serves to create distance. We tackle challenges as partners instead.
- We avoid mind games. Open and honest communication is key in our relationship. We never engage in cryptic discussions or silent treatments. I’ve seen couples entangled in exhausting mind games; we prefer straightforward conversations with kindness.
- We don’t read between the lines. Since our communication is clear, we don’t speculate about each other’s thoughts or feelings. If something is unclear, we ask directly, ensuring misunderstandings are minimized.
- We don’t hold onto grudges. Neither of us is inclined to hold grudges. When issues arise, we address them head-on and move forward. Grudges are counterproductive.
- We refrain from complaining about each other to others. While it’s natural to seek advice from friends, we avoid publicly criticizing one another. There are constructive ways to discuss challenges without undermining our partner.
- We don’t share every thought. Although we communicate openly, we don’t feel the need to disclose every single thought. We practice discernment, keeping some reflections private, which can be healthy.
- We don’t engage in jealousy. It’s perfectly fine for Brie to admire someone else’s beauty, and I feel the same way. Trust is fundamental; jealousy stems from insecurity and has no place in our marriage.
- We don’t expect each other to meet all our needs. While we fulfill many of each other’s needs, we recognize that it’s unrealistic to expect one person to be everything. We value time with friends and self-reflection as well.
- We don’t let life and parenting overshadow our marriage. Balancing marriage and parenthood can be challenging, but we prioritize our relationship and ensure we check in with each other regularly.
- We don’t downplay or exaggerate physical intimacy. This area of our relationship is important but we maintain a balanced perspective on its significance.
- We don’t neglect each other’s love languages. Understanding each other’s love languages has been transformative. We focus on what resonates most with one another, enhancing our emotional connection.
- We don’t take each other for granted. We both acknowledge and appreciate the hard work we each put into our partnership and family, regularly expressing gratitude for each other’s contributions.
- We don’t dwell on imperfections. We both have our flaws, but we choose to focus on the positive aspects of one another, embracing quirks instead.
- We don’t engage in fights. While we may have disagreements, we’ve never had a fight in the traditional sense. Our discussions remain respectful, and we resolve conflicts calmly.
- We don’t take ourselves or each other too seriously. A sense of humor goes a long way in our marriage. We share laughter and playfulness, which helps us navigate challenges with ease.
- We don’t believe marriage should be overly difficult, nor do we entertain the idea of it failing. While it can be challenging, we view our marriage as a supportive partnership. If difficulties arise, we’re committed to seeking help, as necessary.
In conclusion, while no relationship is flawless, ours is built on mutual respect, understanding, and plenty of joy. As we look forward to the next 16 years, we remain optimistic about our journey together.
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