As I engaged in conversation with a new mother at my local breastfeeding support group, I found myself sharing intimate advice: “Don’t hesitate to use a nipple shield; cracked nipples can be incredibly painful.” I then added, “Prepare for some notably vibrant orange diapers when you introduce sweet potatoes to your little one.” In moments like these, distinguishing between a close friend and a recent acquaintance becomes challenging, especially among new parents. The shared struggles of motherhood foster a unique bond that can develop rapidly.
As a woman in my early 30s, I find myself in the midst of a wave of friends who are having children. Two of my closest friends welcomed babies within a year of my own, creating a wonderful opportunity to share our parenting journeys. These are the ‘friends who are moms’ — individuals who were already integral parts of my life, now sharing the added dimension of parenting topics in our conversations. They understand that our movie nights must now commence after the baby is asleep, and they graciously extend invitations with “babies welcome :)” included. In this context, our shared experiences as parents become a new shared hobby, enriching our existing friendships.
Conversely, I have also met a different category of ‘mom friends’ — women with whom I likely wouldn’t have connected as deeply if not for our simultaneous journeys into motherhood. While they are undoubtedly kind and supportive, our conversations often revolve primarily around our children. I might know all about little Liam’s favorite bedtime story, yet I realize I know very little about his mother’s life outside of her role as a parent. These women primarily serve as ‘mom friends,’ connected through the shared experience of raising infants.
Fortunately, the distinction between these two groups is not rigid. Many of the ‘mom friends’ I initially met in passing have transitioned into ‘friends who are moms’ as I’ve learned more about their passions, careers, and personal lives. Their identities as individuals have come to the forefront, making them invaluable companions in both motherhood and life.
As my child grows and begins to form her own friendships, I anticipate my network of ‘mom friends’ will expand further. I hear that birthday parties bring parents together in ways that can foster new connections within the community. While I prepare for the inevitable small talk and navigate conversational minefields, I recognize that these ‘mom friends’ will eventually evolve into familiar figures, referred to simply as “Liam’s mom,” as our children establish their own social circles.
In the meantime, I find it fascinating how quickly we can bond over topics such as nipple creams and infant bowel movements with those we’ve only just met. This phenomenon of rapid intimacy among ‘mom friends’ is rooted in a mutual need for adult connection and reassurance that our parenting experiences are valid and typical. While these friendships may lack the depth of my long-standing relationships, they fulfill an essential role in my life as I navigate this new chapter of motherhood.
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In summary, the distinction between ‘mom friends’ and ‘friends who are moms’ highlights the diverse nature of relationships formed during the transformative period of parenthood. While both types of connections hold their own significance, they each contribute uniquely to the fabric of our lives as we navigate the joys and challenges of raising children.