Five years have passed since my mother passed away. Each anniversary of her departure leaves me grappling with the bewildering nature of time. I’ve written about this before, reflecting on how the passage of time is a profound teacher when it comes to parenting. Nothing brings a clearer understanding of motherhood than the twin forces of grief and loss.
Time has a way of stopping us in our tracks. One moment, you’re witnessing your little boys sprout facial hair and grow into young men; the next, your teenage girls transform into captivating young women (complete with — yikes! — boyfriends). Our calendars fill up with dizzying commitments, each year demanding more of our attention. It’s a universal sentiment, and we’ve all heard friends lament, “Where did the time go?” on social media. It’s an everyday occurrence.
This year feels different for me, though. While I still marvel at how quickly time flies — and yes, I can hardly believe I can now legally share a drink with half of my kids — I find myself less paralyzed by its passage. Instead, I’m embracing the present moment, which brings a sense of excitement and hope for the future, even on the tough days.
There are milestones to celebrate: graduations, new colleges, engagements, and even that stubborn boy finally getting a haircut — so much greatness unfolds in our lives that it feels almost unjust not to feel joy. Honestly, if my mom sensed any sadness regarding her grandkids, she’d be furious.
While I miss her deeply, I struggle to remain sad for long. That’s just not her style.
Turning 50 this year has undoubtedly contributed to my mindset shift. Fifty. It feels surreal, doesn’t it? I remember planning her 50th surprise party, cramming friends into my small apartment for what turned out to be a keg party — even though she wasn’t a beer drinker. She was surrounded by love, and that was what mattered.
On days like today, I think about the friends my mom left behind and the void they feel. I understand their pain well. She taught me the value of surrounding myself with good friends who genuinely care. Most are just a phone call away, while others might require a road trip or even a last-minute flight to see.
I grew up reading Erma Bombeck, a writer I adored. One winter during my senior year in college, I found a column of hers that resonated deeply. I sent it to my best friend, Lauren, who has been a constant presence in my life, despite the distance. Over the years, that cherished article has made its way back to me multiple times, a testament to our enduring friendship.
How lucky am I to enjoy such a long-lasting bond? How wonderful it was for my mom to create beautiful memories for so many people. And yes, it’s a little funny that my own kids didn’t plan my 50th celebrations (just kidding, I took charge of all the details).
I honor my mom today, reflecting on her influence in my life. She’s on the minds of so many people today. Cheers to you, Mom.
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