It has come to my attention that your father reached out to me while I was at work, expressing your concern about my failure to teach you how to do laundry. While you may perceive this as a shortcoming in my parenting, I assure you it was a deliberate choice. For the past 18 years, I have taken care of your laundry so that you could focus on more pressing matters, such as academic pursuits, building your resume, and improving your social standing on the latest mobile games.
As you prepare to move into the dorms tomorrow, it’s time for you to acquire this essential life skill. Here’s a straightforward breakdown:
- Check Labels: Begin by examining any delicate or high-value items to determine if they require dry cleaning. Set these aside. However, if dry cleaning is beyond your budget, consider donating such items for a tax write-off—after all, we need every penny for your college expenses.
- Separate by Color: Organize your laundry into categories: dark colors (blues, blacks, purples) in one pile, warm colors (reds, oranges, pinks) in another, and whites in their own pile. Mixing reds with whites could lead to a wardrobe reminiscent of your childhood—entirely pink!
- Washing Time: Feel the thrill! Place your darks into the washing machine. Set the water temperature to cold and adjust the timer to a suitable duration—anywhere from 8 to 12 minutes will suffice. Add a small amount of detergent (remember, it’s pricey, and unless you’re training for a marathon, your clothes likely don’t need much). Then, start the machine.
- Post-Wash Care: Once the cycle is complete and the machine has stopped rumbling, it’s time to sort again. Remove any items that are particularly fragile. Hang-dry these using available hooks, closet doors, or furniture—just be considerate of your roommates in that cramped space. Speaking of roommates, remember to keep your area tidy and avoid attracting pests with leftover food. If they engage in disruptive behavior, such as frequent guests, don’t hesitate to address it.
- Repeat for Reds: For your red items, follow the same washing instructions as the darks. If machine availability is limited and your reds are older, you can combine them with the dark load. With the tuition we’re paying, there should be enough facilities available! Don’t forget, you’re a customer at your school; if something isn’t working for you, make your voice heard. Avoid enrolling in courses like “Finnish Folk Art and Technology” to prevent extending your studies unnecessarily. Building a rapport with your professors can be beneficial—don’t shy away from being engaged.
- Washing Whites: For whites, use hot water and repeat the previous steps. Add bleach if needed—about half a cup in the designated compartment. Remember, your primary focus should be education. Balance your studies with social activities, but exercise moderation. If you choose to partake in party culture, be cautious about your consumption, and steer clear of dangerous substances. Stick to safer options and know your limits.
- Drying: Finally, for those items that don’t require hang-drying, combine them for an economical dryer load. Adjust the temperature to medium or low to avoid overheating. Press the button and you’re done!
In summary, wash your towels every few days, and your sheets at least every one to two weeks—anything longer is unsanitary. Consider using dryer sheets for added freshness. As you embark on this new chapter of life, remember to have fun—because once you enter adulthood, you may long for these carefree days.
For more on navigating the complexities of pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource from Rmany. And if you’re interested in tools for self-insemination, you can find valuable products at Make a Mom.