Parenting Insights
Updated: Dec. 20, 2015
Originally Published: July 3, 2015
Maintaining a lifestyle of constant goodness was not feasible. Eventually, I was bound to reach a breaking point. While I wasn’t considering engaging in illegal activities, I began to feel that being excessively virtuous was weighing me down.
I was no longer distinguished by my goodness; I was simply existing. To earn any recognition, I had to consistently surpass my own achievements, which became increasingly draining. Meanwhile, my classmates who frequently found themselves in trouble were celebrated for the smallest accomplishments. “You remained seated today, fantastic!” they would say. I had been sitting quietly for eight years!
As I transitioned to middle school, I experienced a moment of clarity. I had my piece of fiction published in a national children’s literary magazine for extra credit, yet the Eighth Grade Writing Award went to a boy named Jake, who simply enjoyed writing. The message from the school was clear: “You’ve always liked writing.” I realized I was just blending into the background noise of daily life, becoming another cog in the machine.
So, I made a decision to redefine my boundaries of “bad.”
Drugs were not on my agenda. Given my free-spirited parents’ stance that I could try any drug as long as I did so in front of them, that option didn’t seem rebellious enough. I needed a different approach.
In my freshman year of high school, I found myself surrounded by a sea of well-behaved students. Faced with a choice—either elevate my good behavior or slightly deviate from it—I chose the latter, which felt like a bold challenge.
One evening during ninth grade, I neglected to complete my English homework due to my hectic schedule filled with extracurricular activities designed to impress future college admissions panels. The next day, I realized homework was due, and I asked my very responsible friend, Sarah, if I could copy hers. I could see the conflict in her expression; should she adhere to the rules or assist a friend in need? Ultimately, she chose to help me out. I paraphrased her answers, and just as my turn came to submit my paper, I handed in my version.
To my shock, when the papers were returned, mine received a higher grade than Sarah’s.
Even when I ventured into “bad” territory, I still managed to come out on top. It was a strange lesson to learn—succeeding in something I was not meant to do. While I felt a fleeting sense of pride, the satisfaction was short-lived. Cheating may have yielded temporary gains, but I understood there were areas where I would inevitably struggle, like physics or making phone calls. These imperfections didn’t define me; they simply added character to my otherwise orderly life.
As I raise my own ambitious daughter, I will encourage her to strive for excellence. However, I will also emphasize that it’s perfectly acceptable to be just okay sometimes. If she finds herself tempted by a bit of rebellion, and it poses no real danger, she should explore the boundaries of breaking the mold, but with a strong commitment to mastering it.
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In summary, the journey of balancing goodness with the occasional need for rebellion is a complex one. It’s essential to encourage children to explore their individuality while also fostering their ability to excel. Embracing imperfection can lead to a richer and more fulfilling life experience.