An Open Letter to My Children Regarding Summer

Dear Kids,

As we enter the summer months, I want to set the tone for a laid-back and carefree season. Feel free to leave your belongings wherever you please. Left half-finished smoothies in the living room? No issue at all; I’ve got it covered. Socks scattered in the hallway? I’ll handle it. Dishes piling up in the sink? Bring them on. And those Legos? They can roam freely throughout our home. Oh, and don’t hesitate to drag your blankets around and leave them wherever you choose. I’ll gladly fold them and return them to your rooms when the time is right.

Open Door Policy

Regarding closed doors, remember that it’s completely optional. I’m usually right behind you, so there’s no need to worry about letting the outside in. Who are we to restrict ourselves to a climate-controlled environment? Open door policy reigns in this house. After all, we have limitless resources.

Creative Messes

Your wet bathing suits and towels can be left on any surface, from the floor to the banister. The more creativity, the better! And placing them on painted wood surfaces? I’ll take care of that for you, so you can focus on more important matters, like binge-watching your favorite shows on Netflix.

Kitchen Freedom

Whenever hunger strikes, don’t constrain yourselves to regular meal times. The kitchen is always open, and I’m ready to whip up anything you desire, at any hour. My expertise lies in quick cooking, so just let me know what you need. If you decide to cook for yourselves, feel free to leave everything right where you used it. Milk included! If it spoils, I’ll simply purchase more. Money is no object; I’ll just work a bit harder. Cleaning up? That’s part of my role, and I relish the opportunity to experience your culinary adventures. It’s fascinating how much cheese can end up on the counter!

Thirst Quenching

Every time you feel thirsty, grab a new glass. We have more than enough, and I enjoy loading and unloading the dishwasher. We’re fortunate to have unlimited electricity and water at our disposal. The world is our oyster.

Friendship Plans

If plans arise with your friends, count me in! I’ll drive you wherever you need to go, whether it’s a pick-up or drop-off. I have a car and a license, so why not put them to good use? There’s no need to give me a heads-up; I can easily pause whatever I’m doing to help you. Need cash for a movie? Just say the word!

Pool Time

And to the youngest, whenever you’re ready, I’ll take you to the pool. You can express your feelings while I apply sunscreen—don’t hold back! I appreciate the challenge when you inch away from me. It’s a good workout for my arms and back, so thank you for that.

Goggle Management

As for goggles, I’ve taken it upon myself to keep track of yours. You don’t need to worry about it. I will know exactly where they are at all times (most likely in the car, wedged between the seats). In fact, I might even sleep with them under my pillow for safekeeping. We can’t risk being without them during swim time.

Housekeeping Notes

A couple of housekeeping notes: Eye-rolling? I love it! It provides immediate feedback on whether I’m meeting your expectations. Showering? That’s up to you. You know best. Hats? Not necessary; the more sun, the better! Chores? Just let me know when it’s a convenient time for you. The weeds and messes will still be there when you’re ready.

Communication

Lastly, please wear your headphones so you don’t hear me when I’m talking to you. Communication is overrated, after all. Fun fact about me: I thoroughly enjoy shouting things multiple times without a response. It’s quite cathartic!

So, call me crazy, but if you all adhere to these guidelines, I’m confident this summer will be a success for all of us. If you don’t grasp the sarcasm, good luck making it to July. Regardless, I love you all!

Sincerely,
The Default Parent