The 5 Types of People You Encounter as a Gay Dad

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Navigating the world as a gay dad presents unique challenges, and surprisingly, the most complex aspect often lies not in parenting itself, but in the external perceptions of our family. My twins, now two years old, are starting to ask about the concept of a mother and why our family structure differs from the traditional norm. Luckily, explaining our family dynamic to them is straightforward; they are bright and open-minded, free from prejudice. The real difficulty arises when interacting with others who may not share that same understanding.

Questions often arise, such as “Where’s your wife?” or “Which one of you is the dad?” While it might be tempting to provide a misleading answer, it is crucial to model honesty and openness for our children. Instead, we simply respond, “We’re both dads,” and observe the reactions that follow.

Over the past two years, I’ve found that people’s responses tend to fit into five distinct categories:

1. The Enthusiastic Supporters

Response: Overwhelming excitement

These individuals can’t contain their enthusiasm upon meeting us. They want to engage, befriend us, and share our story with their own children, often expressing how lucky our kids are to have two dads. Their excitement can stem from a genuine desire to support us or from a wish to distance themselves from any associated homophobia they believe we face. Regardless, I welcome their positivity. They often ask about our family’s journey involving surrogacy and egg donation, which helps to foster a sense of community.

2. The Casual Allies

Response: Nonchalant familiarity

Some people are supportive but attempt to downplay their interest to appear nonchalant. They might mention knowing other LGBTQ+ families, trying to convey that they’re unfazed by our situation. While they do maintain a level of politeness, it’s clear that they’re more focused on their image than on making a connection. Ultimately, their acceptance is appreciated, even if it comes with an air of indifference.

3. The Discreet Detractors

Response: Avoidant politeness

These individuals might not feel comfortable with our family structure but try to mask their discomfort with polite responses. They often feel a need to escape the situation, perhaps to avoid engaging with the reality of our lives. Their internal conflict is palpable, especially when their children ask innocent questions about family dynamics. While they may hope to maintain the status quo, I make it clear to my children that our family is valid and deserving of respect.

4. The Confused Onlookers

Response: Total bewilderment

Some people are genuinely confused about our family setup. They may fail to grasp the concept of two dads, leading to comical misunderstandings. For instance, I once encountered a car salesman who insisted on referring to my partner as my brother despite our clear explanations. Their confusion often highlights the gaps in their understanding of diverse family structures, and while it can be amusing, it also underscores the need for education.

5. The Moral Opponents

Response: Condemnation

Fortunately, I’ve yet to encounter individuals who fit this category. These are the people who actively oppose our family structure, often citing religious beliefs or outdated social norms. They may voice their disapproval loudly, seeking to rally support against what they perceive as a threat to traditional family values. While I remain prepared with responses for such encounters, the reality is that they have not materialized in my experiences thus far.

In conclusion, as a gay dad, I’ve learned that the reactions of those we meet can vary widely. It’s important not only to navigate these responses with grace but also to seize the opportunity to educate and share our family’s story. If you’re interested in learning more about parenting and family dynamics, consider checking out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.

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Summary: The journey of a gay dad includes navigating various reactions from the public, ranging from enthusiastic support to moral opposition. While some responses can be confusing or even avoidant, each encounter provides an opportunity for education and connection.

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