As my eldest child, Ethan, embarked on his senior year of high school, I made a conscious effort to prepare myself for the impending transition. I documented my thoughts, convinced that my experience with my second child would be easier. Yet, here I am, months later, grappling with the reality that my struggles with letting go are more profound than I anticipated. During these frosty Minnesota months, fear and uncertainty have weighed heavily on my heart, as I navigate the whirlwind of emotions swirling not just within me, but also within Ethan.
Standardized tests. College applications. The waiting game filled with hope, rejection, and then acceptance. Elation and confusion intertwine, leaving me feeling torn. My son is prepared for this next chapter, or so I tell myself, yet the conflicting emotions leave me yearning for time to freeze. “Please give me space, Mom,” he says one moment, and then, “When will you be home?” the next. It’s a puzzling blend of agony and excitement.
Fortunately, as spring arrives, the burdensome weight of winter begins to lift, revealing the beauty of change. With Ethan’s college decision finalized and graduation approaching, I still find myself pondering how I will cope with the emotional iceberg lodged in my chest. While I celebrate the warmth of spring and the pride that accompanies my son’s growth, I also feel the tug of uncertainty, as letting go involves complex emotions for both of us.
I can’t help but wonder if Ethan shares my awareness of time’s passage. As the season turns, does he embrace the fleeting moments or, like me, feel the bittersweet nature of transitions? I strive to live in the present and cherish these final days together, yet my mind often drifts to the inevitable. Soon, two of us will return from our visit, leaving Ethan 2,000 miles away to embark on a new journey. The daily rituals we’ve shared—his greeting of “Hi Mom, I’m hungry” as he walks through the door—will transform into memories, communicated only through sporadic texts and calls. I doubt he’ll openly express his feelings of missing me, but I know he understands the depth of my emotions.
Spring signifies renewal and the art of letting go. It’s a time for transformation, preparing for the moment when the fledgling must leave the nest. As a mother, I am learning to let go while simultaneously preparing to embrace this new chapter in Ethan’s life.
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Summary
The journey of preparing to let go of a college-bound child is filled with complex emotions. As the seasons change, parents must navigate feelings of pride, fear, and uncertainty, all while cherishing the last moments before their child embarks on a new chapter.