When it comes to motherhood, you’ll find that few parenting blogs or articles on self-care neglect to mention the importance of nurturing friendships with fellow adults. Most posts emphasize the joy of “going out with girlfriends,” “hosting a wine night,” or “sipping coffee while catching up.” While these outings offer a refreshing break from the daily grind of building train tracks or coloring with crayons, they often come with a hidden caveat: they can be downright exhausting.
It’s undeniably fun to don your best outfit and hit the town, but that thrill often wanes by 10:30 PM. Sharing a bottle of pinot with a friend after the kids are asleep can be a great way to unwind, especially when reminiscing about the time your little one dumped half your makeup collection in the toilet. And yes, grabbing a coffee at the Target Starbucks can feel like a mini escape while you contemplate buying little surprises from the dollar section. However, to cultivate adult friendships—especially as a parent—it’s crucial to connect with individuals who communicate like grown-ups.
Let Me Elaborate
As a mother, my days are primarily spent solving problems. My kids often walk into a room with furrowed brows, expecting me to decipher their latest grievances, like why lions don’t enjoy baths. And when injuries occur, determining who caused the latest bruise becomes a relentless and thankless task.
For instance, just the other night, my 4-year-old sobbed for half an hour because I cleaned him up after he got sick during dinner. When I finally learned he was upset because I wouldn’t let him eat the vomit-covered chips, he looked me in the eye and lamented, “You broke my heart.” Yes, I broke his heart by denying him that treat.
Some days, my children emit such dramatic sighs that I hesitate to ask what’s wrong—not because there’s an actual issue, but because I dread the possibility of them whining about losing screen time privileges after one of them clocked the other with a stool. Not long into my parenting journey, I even snapped at my husband for making the same sighs while reading, asking him to “speak like an adult.” I think I startled him into silence for the rest of the evening.
I’m raising future adults, and with two (soon to be three) children under five, I’m committed to nurturing their growth into functional, communicative individuals. I simply don’t have the time or energy to interpret vague cues or cryptic social media posts. If you want to talk to me as a friend, please do so as an adult.
I don’t claim to be perfect or the ultimate adult. I certainly have my moments of immaturity and selfishness. However, if we’re going to be friends, I need you to express what’s on your mind directly. I can’t afford to dig for your thoughts or emotions.
The Freedom of Authenticity
One of the most liberating aspects of growing older is choosing where to invest your energy. Recently, I’ve had several candid discussions with some incredible women about our relationships. We’ve realized that we love cultivating specific friendships while letting go of the pressure to connect with everyone. This honesty is refreshing.
When we embrace this authenticity, “letting loose” means not caring about how messy our homes are during a visit filled with pizza and movies. It involves using my shirt to wipe up spit-up without missing a beat and being perfectly fine when a friend puts my child in timeout. It’s knowing when I need a friend to sit with me in chaos and when I need an extra hand with the dishes—because honestly, I haven’t seen my kitchen countertop since 2013. It also means that sometimes, wine night can happen in the afternoon, and trusting each other enough to suggest, “Maybe it’s time to rethink how often we have wine nights.”
I’m not seeking superficial friendships now that I’m a mom; I want relationships grounded in trust and sincerity. I want to be present for both the highs and lows without hesitation. I want to extend apologies when necessary and offer forgiveness without holding on to grudges. I believe in fostering mature friendships.
Resources for Further Reading
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Conclusion
In summary, as a mom, I cherish the quality of my friendships more than the quantity. It’s about nurturing connections that uplift and support one another, without the weight of drama or misunderstandings. Adult friendships should be straightforward, honest, and real.