Boys will be boys. This phrase may seem simplistic, but it encapsulates a profound truth. Boys and girls differ in many ways—physically, psychologically, and even spiritually. The essence of a young boy is characterized by a strong urge to engage, create, dismantle, compete, and express affection. Take my son, for instance; he is a warm-hearted little boy who loves to snuggle and share his treasures, often wiping away my tears when I’m sad. He embodies gentleness, yet he is undeniably spirited and adventurous.
He delights in rough and tumble play—swinging sticks, tossing rocks, splashing water, and chasing friends. His exuberance can be overwhelming, and I often notice the looks of disapproval we receive from others, as though we are intruding upon their serene world with our chaotic energy. Interestingly, those well-behaved children are predominantly girls. Comparing a boy to a girl is like comparing apples to oranges—there’s simply no basis for comparison.
I understand that discussions about gender differences can be sensitive, and while there may be nuances, there are also clear distinctions that should not be overlooked. One of the most striking realizations I’ve had as a mother is the need to apologize for my son’s natural behavior, simply because he is acting like a boy.
I can imagine that some parents reading this may have more reserved, sensitive boys and may be rolling their eyes at the notion that gender influences behavior. I once held similar beliefs; I questioned the fundamental nature of boys. As a girl who was more reserved and introspective, I couldn’t fathom the boisterousness of my son. His playful roughness—hitting during games and wrestling with friends—often left me feeling embarrassed and confused.
A significant factor influencing this perception is society’s discomfort with unstructured and physical play. Children don’t always need to be kept at an adult’s arm’s length from one another. Those who prefer such distance often opt out of rough play altogether. My son’s spirited nature is just as valid as a child who thrives in quieter activities. Each child is unique.
One summer, we attended a sand and water party at a friend’s house. I thought it would be a great opportunity for my then two-year-old son to immerse himself in messy fun. However, while the other child meticulously built sandcastles, my son gleefully sat in a water bucket, covering himself in sand. The host was visibly taken aback and questioned whether I wanted him to play that way. I looked at my son, filled with joy, and replied, “Yes, that’s exactly what I want for him. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for him since he was born.” Despite seeing my son’s happiness, the host complained about the mess—a typical adult concern.
This incident left me pondering if our aversion to rough play stems from adult inconveniences rather than genuine concerns about behavior. Yes, rough play can create mess, and it does require some supervision. However, are we limiting our children based on preconceived notions of proper conduct, or do we simply find their exuberance disruptive to our routines? With my background in Gender Studies and Child Development, I’m increasingly worried that boys, in particular, are being stifled for acting in ways that are inherently natural to them. Girls, too, exhibit similar behaviors, but they often receive more leniency when they do.
When we admonish our boys with phrases like “Hands off!” and “Quiet down!”, we inadvertently ask them to suppress their innate tendencies. If they are reprimanded for engaging in physical play, they learn that their natural inclinations are wrong. While I wholeheartedly agree that bullying is unacceptable, it’s crucial to differentiate between bullying and rough play. The latter is vital for children’s development, and I firmly believe that we should encourage it rather than discourage it.
As a community, we must embrace the idea that active play is essential for all children. For further reading on the importance of active engagement in child development, consider exploring this excellent resource on fertility and child-rearing.
In summary, understanding and accepting the differences in how boys and girls express themselves is critical. Encouraging rough play is not just beneficial but necessary for their overall development.