Navigating the journey of parenting a preteen daughter presents unique challenges that test one’s resolve and patience. Many days feel like a repetitive cycle of familiar phrases met with eye rolls and exaggerated sighs. These expressions seem to be a tradition passed down through generations of mothers, often met with the same indifference as those before them. It’s both alarming and impressive how effortlessly my daughter articulates her feelings at any given moment. This prompted me to consider what might happen if I were brave enough to convey my true thoughts behind these common sayings.
What I Say: “You don’t know everything.”
What I Mean: I fear your intelligence may surpass mine. As a parent, I expected to have it all figured out by now, but truthfully, I often feel like I’m improvising.
What I Say: “Be nice to your siblings; they look up to you.”
What I Mean: Please stop picking on them. Sure, they can be irritating and messy, but your behavior shapes how they learn to treat others in life. I’d prefer they don’t end up with someone controlling.
What I Say: “You can always come to me about relationships.”
What I Mean: We both know I struggle with these conversations. When you were four and asked about your body, I awkwardly referred to it as a “front butt.” I wish I could be the mom with all the right responses, but it’s clear that I’m not.
What I Say: “Stop being so dramatic.”
What I Mean: I understand you feel like the universe is against you at times; I often feel the same way. While hormones can be overwhelming, it’s essential to find balance.
What I Say: “If you roll your eyes at me one more time…”
What I Mean: I might just lose my composure. Also, I really need to call my mother and apologize for my own eye-rolling back in the day.
What I Say: “Clean up your clothes; I’m not your maid.”
What I Mean: I wish I didn’t have to play this role in your life.
What I Say: “Go to your room before I say something I regret.”
What I Mean: Just leave me for a moment so I can vent my frustrations privately.
What I Say: “Be cautious.”
What I Mean: The world is full of uncertainties when you’re not in my sight. The thought of anything happening to you terrifies me because you mean everything to me.
What I Say: “Stop eating so much candy.”
What I Mean: I’m worried I won’t have enough left for myself.
What I Say: “Boys can wait.”
What I Mean: Don’t rush into relationships. Enjoy being young. Remember the story of Chickerella? She chose independence over marriage, and that’s perfectly okay.
What I Say: “I don’t approve of that friend.”
What I Mean: I see someone whose future may not be bright. Choose your companions wisely; trust your instincts.
What I Say: “Finish your homework.”
What I Mean: Please don’t ask me for math help; I genuinely don’t understand the new methods. I fear I missed a significant math revolution during my school years.
What I Say: “I won’t repeat myself…”
What I Mean: We both know that’s a stretch. I will likely say it again, probably multiple times. You’d be amazed at how much I would be willing to buy you if you just listened the first time. Instead, I’ll keep adding to my collection of comfortable clothes.
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In summary, the journey of motherhood is filled with complex emotions and candid reflections. As I share these insights with my daughter, I also confront my own vulnerabilities and hopes for her future.