During a recent work conference in Portland, I found myself at a catered lunch with a non-parent who, upon discovering that I authored a parenting blog, felt compelled to offer unsolicited advice on child-rearing. As I listened to her, I couldn’t help but reflect on the myriad of misguided suggestions I often receive from those without children, and how I would prefer to react. Below are a few examples:
“Don’t let them eat in the car. That’ll solve the mess issue.”
Let me set the record straight: have you ever spent more than 20 minutes driving with a hungry, screaming toddler? Picture yourself in a moving sauna, surrounded by little ones who are whining for snacks and poking each other. It’s a daily ordeal that pushes you to the brink, and sometimes, just to maintain sanity, you’ll resort to giving them fruit snacks that will inevitably end up lodged in the seats. The backseat can often feel like a chaotic prison yard, and I do what I must to prevent an uprising.
“If you didn’t give them other options, your kids wouldn’t be so picky.”
Really? When was the last time you had friends over for dinner and they looked at what you served as if it were a dark abyss? Convincing my kids to take a bite of a burrito can feel like an uphill battle. They often recoil in horror, leaving me feeling like the villain for not providing dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets. It’s not simply about being strict or offering choices; it’s an exhausting struggle at every meal that sometimes drives me to serve nothing but mac and cheese.
“If you truly loved your kids, you wouldn’t let them eat at fast food places.”
If you had children, you’d realize how unrealistic that statement is. McDonald’s is an undeniable force in the lives of many parents, myself included. I may despise the food and the overflowing toys in my car, but let’s face it—kids adore the experience just as you enjoy your favorite coffee shop. While it may not be the healthiest option, sometimes it’s the easiest way to navigate a hectic day.
“You need to stop letting your children dictate your life.”
What does that even mean? Am I supposed to leave them unattended in the yard with a water bowl and a bag of chips? Should I take them out without shoes to avoid being late? Parenting is about prioritizing your children’s needs, and if I didn’t, I’d be failing as a parent. Kids are all-consuming, and if I don’t invest my time and energy into them, I risk being labeled neglectful.
“I don’t understand why you’re always tired. Just tell them to go back to bed.”
Oh, really? And then what? Am I supposed to tie them up? Telling a child to return to bed is akin to asking a cat to stop being a nuisance. The last time I instructed my daughter to go back to bed at 5 a.m., she threw a tantrum that woke everyone else, resulting in a house full of grumpy children ready to throw fits about breakfast.
“My dogs have the same challenges. I just make sure they know who’s in charge.”
Did you just compare your pets to my kids? While I understand that pets can feel like family, children are not the same. They require a level of emotional complexity, and while I try to maintain authority, it’s truly a balancing act. Parenting involves countless small adjustments, often met with frustration, that require years to yield positive results.
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In summary, unsolicited parenting advice from those without children can often feel out of touch with the realities of raising kids. From the chaos of car rides to the struggles of meal times, parenting is a complex journey that deserves understanding rather than judgment.