As an only child, the responsibility of caring for aging parents can feel overwhelming, especially when faced with the reality of their needs. Recently, I witnessed firsthand the challenges of elder care when my mother spent three weeks in a rehabilitation facility in Florida after an injury. The environment was less than ideal, resembling a concrete block that evoked feelings of confinement. My mother shared a room with a woman suffering from Alzheimer’s, whose constant moaning added to the distress. My mother struggled to get basic assistance, often resorting to calling the front desk on her cellphone or waiting for my father or me to arrive.
During my visit, I noticed significant issues with care, such as receiving only half the prescribed pain medication—a concerning sign of possible misconduct. After this experience, my mother expressed a strong aversion to returning to such facilities, highlighting the need for better care options for the elderly.
This predicament leaves me, as the only child, with the daunting task of ensuring my parents receive appropriate care. They are managing for now, but their health is a continuous source of concern. Living eight hours away without a vehicle and being the primary caregiver for two young children complicates matters. I often find myself pondering what will happen when they require more assistance.
In her book, The Age of Dignity: Preparing for the Elder Boom in a Changing America, Ai-jen Poo discusses the impending eldercare crisis as the baby boomer generation ages. By 2020, one-sixth of the population will be 65 or older, and the number of older Americans is projected to rise from 40 million to 70 million over the next two decades. The question remains: who will help them with daily tasks, from cooking to personal care?
Traditionally, women have taken on these caregiving roles, but many are now part of the workforce, making it challenging to provide the necessary attention to frail elders. I have a friend, Sarah, who juggles a job while caring for her elderly mother two hours away on weekends. She manages to clean, prepare meals, and assist with bathing, but the strain is evident. Her marriage is suffering, finances are tight, and she misses quality time with her own children. They cannot afford professional help, and insurance rarely covers the assistance needed for elders who require minimal daily support.
While I initially expected Poo’s book to highlight the issues without offering solutions, I was pleasantly surprised to find numerous actionable ideas. Among them is the concept of “time banks,” where individuals can log hours spent caring for local elders, which can be exchanged for care for their own parents. The most impactful suggestion, however, is a public-works initiative akin to past federal investments, which could transform elder care and create jobs, all while being economical in the long run.
Critics might question the feasibility of such initiatives, but Poo compellingly argues that investing in caregiving not only saves money compared to nursing homes but also stimulates the economy by ensuring fair wages for care workers. The fear surrounding aging and the care of both parents and oneself is justified, as only the wealthy can guarantee comprehensive, compassionate care. Unfortunately, many of us are left hoping we won’t need assistance or, worse, fearing the alternative.
The challenge, as with many issues related to caregiving—often performed by women, immigrants, and people of color—lies in mobilizing political action. Poo notes that political will is akin to encouraging couples to dance; once the first few take the plunge, momentum builds. Aging should be viewed as a gift rather than a source of anxiety.
In summary, caring for aging parents as an only child involves navigating significant challenges, especially in today’s society where traditional caregiving roles are shifting. The insights provided in Poo’s book offer hope and potential solutions to a growing crisis, encouraging a collective effort to create an equitable system of elder care that benefits everyone.