Updated: Aug. 20, 2023
Originally Published: Feb. 2, 2023
Twenty years ago, my father imparted a crucial lesson: “If you want something in life, you need to position yourself to achieve it. Don’t rely on others to provide for you.” This exchange occurred while we were doing the dishes together; he dried while I organized them. His words were likely a response to my typical teenage wish for the latest fashion. Unknowingly, he initiated my journey into understanding feminism: to be self-sufficient, take charge of my life, and shape my own destiny. Importantly, he affirmed his belief in my abilities as an independent individual, deserving of respect and opportunities.
As caregivers, we continuously impart lessons to our children—whether through our actions, values, or perspectives about the world. These lessons, often subtle, can have significant impacts. Thus, it is vital to consistently reflect on our ideals and values to ensure that they are the lessons our children absorb.
Even though my family structure might resemble a traditional 1950s setting—my partner works while I care for our children—I firmly identify as a feminist because I advocate for equality. Raising two boys means it’s crucial for them to grasp the essence of feminism and how gender equality manifests in everyday life. Gender inequality affects everyone, and my partner and I must work diligently to counter the societal stereotypes and biases that children face early on. We aim to instill a deep-rooted understanding of feminism and equality within our family, allowing these values to naturally surface during daily activities, from sports to family dinners.
While numerous resources exist for teaching feminist values to daughters, I found a gap for guiding boys in this regard. Therefore, I created a tailored list of principles for raising progressive boys:
- Feminism is about equality, not femininity.
- Being a boy doesn’t exclude you from being a feminist; interests in sports or action films do not diminish your commitment to equality.
- It’s perfectly acceptable to show emotions, including crying, but do so with responsibility and respect.
- Cultivate friendships with girls.
- Embrace the idea that interests are not gender-specific; boys can enjoy princesses just as girls can like trucks.
- Ignore phrases like “like a man” or “like a girl”; they lack substance.
- Strength and sensitivity can coexist; they are not mutually exclusive traits.
- Your anatomy does not grant you privileges; it merely makes you human.
- Open doors for everyone—not out of obligation, but as a gesture of kindness. This applies to all acts of courtesy.
- While appearances may attract attention, true beauty emanates from within.
- Treat others with kindness, such as paying for dinner or giving flowers, without expectations of reciprocity.
- Engage in intimate relationships only when both partners feel ready—not due to peer pressure or hormonal urges.
- Understand that “no” unequivocally means no; silence and ambiguity imply no consent.
- Surround yourself with individuals who inspire you to be your best self.
- Equal work necessitates equal pay—this concept is straightforward.
- Your identity transcends gender or job status; embody kindness, bravery, and respect.
- If you marry, your partner’s choice to take your last name—or not—does not reflect their affection for you.
- Financial support is just one way to provide for a family; there are numerous other aspects to consider.
- Base childcare decisions on what’s best for the family, recognizing that responsibilities may evolve over time.
- Contrary to common media portrayals, men are fully capable of contributing to household chores and childcare.
- Apologizing is a sign of strength and courage, not weakness.
- Acknowledge your privileges—financial, educational, racial, etc.—and advocate for those who lack them.
- Cultivate sensitivity, empathy, and compassion in all interactions.
- Recognize and celebrate the diversity among individuals while avoiding stereotypes.
- Uphold these values not just for the sake of others, but for fairness and respect—these principles can transform the world, one step at a time.
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Summary
This guide outlines essential principles for raising boys with a solid understanding of feminism and gender equality. It emphasizes the importance of emotional expression, respect, and the rejection of stereotypes, all while fostering empathetic and equitable values.