In her memoir, The Long Goodbye, Sarah reflects on the loss of her mother, who succumbed to cancer in 2008 at the age of 55, leaving Sarah, then 32, to navigate her grief. The experience of profound sorrow often brings with it invaluable insights into happiness, making it a difficult yet transformative journey.
Dr. Turner: What is a simple activity that consistently enhances your happiness?
Sarah: Taking a walk. I used to be an avid runner, which always lifted my spirits, even if the initial effort was a struggle. However, after injuring my hip and requiring surgery, running became impossible. This injury occurred about nine months after my mother’s death, and running had been my primary outlet for coping. I’ve found solace in walking instead, and this slower pace allows me to appreciate life’s details rather than rushing through them.
Generally, reading a good book also brings me joy. Revisiting classics like Anne of Green Gables or The Once and Future King always uplifts me, especially during low moments. Learning can similarly spark happiness. In The Book of Merlyn, a passage resonates deeply with me since my mother’s passing: “The best thing for being sad…is to learn something…There is only one thing for it then—to learn.”
What do you understand about happiness now that you didn’t at 18?
I’ve learned that happiness is transient. During difficult times, I remind myself that the feelings will eventually pass. Yet, I also recognize that some pains linger and profoundly shape us. My mother’s death on Christmas Day 2008 was a pivotal lesson in this. Such shaping isn’t entirely negative, even if it’s hard to remember.
Are there habits you have that hinder your happiness?
Lack of sleep and exercise are obvious culprits. Less apparent is my tendency towards workaholism. I sometimes lose track of time and neglect social interactions, leading to feelings of isolation. However, I know that solitude can often exacerbate my sadness, even when I think I might enjoy the quiet.
Is there a motto that has proven helpful for you?
My mother often reminded me, “Lighten up, Meg,” encouraging me to not get bogged down by trivial matters. This advice rings in my mind now, especially when I find myself overthinking interactions or decisions.
What behaviors do you notice in others that impact their happiness?
Many people get caught up in minor issues and forget to practice gratitude. Actively recognizing the good in life can drastically alter one’s perspective. After my mother’s passing, I coped by seeking beauty in everyday moments, a practice I once might have dismissed as sentimental.
Do you actively pursue happiness? If so, how?
I do make a conscious effort. Following my mother’s passing, she encouraged me to relish life more. I’ve since prioritized mundane activities like maintaining a consistent sleep schedule, eating healthily, and exercising regularly. I also pay attention to my emotional responses to people and situations, reminding myself that many worries are insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
Have you ever been surprised by what brings you happiness?
Definitely. I once relocated to a larger, more isolated apartment, believing that space would improve my happiness. Instead, I felt disconnected and missed the vibrancy of a bustling environment. The most surprising outcome has been my growth after my mother’s death. Initially, I thought I’d never find joy again; however, I’ve discovered lessons in resilience and gratitude. The experience has fostered connections with others who share similar experiences, reinforcing the idea that loss can unite us.
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In conclusion, navigating grief can lead to profound insights about happiness, encouraging individuals to embrace life fully, find solace in simple activities, and foster connections with others.