By: Laura Jensen
As high school sweethearts, my husband Jake and I have shared 15 years of marriage. You might think that after all this time, things would get a bit stale in the bedroom, but we’ve consistently found ways to keep our intimate life exciting. However, sex has evolved considerably since our younger days. Back then, it was all about sneaking around, youthful lust, and some decidedly awkward experiences. Looking back, I can’t help but cringe at some of our escapades.
In our 30s, the biggest challenge was finding time between the chaos of parenting small children, often leaving us too exhausted for anything. Quick encounters were the norm—like a hasty rendezvous in the bathroom while our kids were glued to their screens or sneaking some intimacy while they napped.
Now, as we transition into our 40s, sex has become a blend of gratifying and, at times, awkward. Here are some candid truths about married life in your 40s:
- Birth Control is Serious Business: In our youth, we were a bit cavalier about contraception, thinking, “If we get pregnant, it’ll be fine.” Now, it’s a completely different story. The stakes are higher, and let’s just say the consequences are not something we take lightly.
- The Headache Excuse is All Too Real: Whether it’s due to perimenopause or just life, headaches have become a regular occurrence for me. When I’m battling one of those, sex is the last thing on my mind, and Jake knows better than to push it.
- You Know What You Want: After years together, I’m not shy about voicing my preferences. I’ll guide Jake if what he’s doing isn’t quite right, and I feel confident asserting myself in our intimate moments.
- Sneaking Away from Kids, Not Parents: Our children may be older, but they still have a knack for interrupting. Thankfully, they’ve recently started waking up early and entertaining themselves, giving us a precious hour for either sleep or sex—an enticing dilemma!
- Watch Out for Injuries: Let’s just say that sometimes, after a passionate night, I’ve found myself nursing a stiff neck or sore back. It’s part of the territory, I suppose; consequences of a thrilling experience.
- Libido on the Rise: Contrary to what many expect, my desire for intimacy has only intensified with age. After a few dry spells in my 30s, it returned with a vengeance, especially with the allure of my husband’s distinguished charm.
- Thank Goodness for Comfort Aids: I won’t dive into the details, but let’s just say that things like lube and comfy pillows have become essential to our sex life.
- Self-Pleasure is Okay: There was a time when I felt obliged to please Jake, but now we both acknowledge that if one of us isn’t in the mood, it’s perfectly okay to take a rain check. Self-pleasure is part of the conversation now, and we’re both cool with it.
- Body Confidence Takes Center Stage: At this point, I’ve accepted that my body isn’t what it once was. After pushing out two kids, I’ve learned to embrace the changes, and so has Jake—he loves me just the way I am.
- Exploring New Things: There’s a liberating freedom that comes with age, allowing me to experiment and try things I wouldn’t have considered in my 20s. It’s a time for embracing one’s desires without hesitation.
I can confidently say that my sex life in my 40s is richer than it was in my youth. While I cherish those early memories, the depth and enjoyment I find now are unparalleled. If you’re curious about navigating relationships and intimacy in this phase, check out this helpful resource to keep the conversation going. And if you’re considering the possibility of starting or expanding your family, visit Make A Mom for essential at-home insemination kits. Additionally, UCSF Fertility is an excellent source for questions related to pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
Embracing intimacy in your 40s can be a thrilling and enriching experience. With better communication, self-awareness, and an acceptance of changes, many find that their sex lives improve significantly as they age.
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