Parenting Insights
Have you ever had a romantic moment interrupted by unexpected sounds from the hallway? I’m not referring to the awkward teenage years; I mean the present day, in your own bedroom, and that jarring thought: “What if my child walks in right now?!”
Years ago, when my eldest was confined to a crib at night, I stumbled upon an amusing article titled “How to Handle Awkward Moments with Your Kids.” One suggestion that stood out was to explain to a curious child, “Oh, dear! Daddy was helping Mommy search for a lost quarter!” But really, where did that quarter even come from?
Most parents have likely contemplated this scenario, although we tend to be somewhat distracted when it crosses our minds. Ideally, after a fulfilling evening, we might think back on it, but often we simply brush it aside, figuring we’ll deal with it when the time comes—and perhaps seek professional advice then.
In practice, we lock the door and hope for the best. Yet, childhood is a long journey, and maintaining a healthy relationship often involves intimacy, making it likely that such a moment will arise. After all, don’t most of us have a memory of overhearing our parents?
Let me share a story about my 9-year-old son. One evening, he couldn’t fall asleep and began to hear unusual noises from our bedroom across the hall. Was someone upset? Heart racing, he ventured out of bed to investigate. He knocked on the door, and the noises ceased abruptly. “Yes?” we answered. “Ummm, is everything OK?” he inquired. “Yes, sweetheart, just get back in bed. I’ll be there shortly.”
So, what did we choose to tell him? Prepare yourself. We opted for honesty.
What? Yes, we decided to be truthful. Why? Because in their friends’ stories about “catching” their parents, kids usually figure out what’s happening. The excuses their parents offered—like a loud TV show or a phone call—never quite fooled them. In fact, those fibs could send an unintended message: children can discuss anything with their parents, except for sex.
Later, as I sat on my son’s bed, I revisited our previous discussion about sex. “Do you remember when we talked about that last year?” I asked. “Uh-huh,” he replied. “Well, that’s what we were doing,” I said, preparing for his reaction.
“Oh. But it sounded like it hurt.” Stalling, I thought quickly and responded, “Have you ever heard one of your brothers in another room and couldn’t tell if he was laughing or crying?” “Sure,” he said. “It’s similar to that. It doesn’t hurt at all; it’s just a really strong feeling.” A pause, then, “Oh, OK.” And that was the end of it.
The main reason my partner and I decided to be upfront was our commitment to honesty in our family. We encourage our children to be open with us, asserting that “we don’t lie in our family.” Thus, we felt it was essential to address the tough topics and communicate truthfully.
Deceiving those who know you best can lead to complications. You might struggle to keep your story straight, or your child may sense a discrepancy. If they challenge your explanation, it can lead to defensiveness, creating an emotional disconnect that leaves both parent and child feeling uneasy.
So yes, lock the door, keep it quiet, and consider being honest if your child catches you in an intimate moment. Will he still need therapy? Most likely, because now his story concludes with, “…and then my mom wrote about it for a blog.” So, if you happen to see him, let’s not bring it up. And maybe send us a little support for a good therapist!
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Summary
Navigating intimate moments as a parent can be challenging, especially when children unexpectedly interrupt. Honesty about such situations can foster open communication, allowing children to feel comfortable discussing complex topics like sex. Emphasizing transparency strengthens family relationships and helps avoid the pitfalls of deceit.