Many mothers experience a profound sense of guilt when it comes to balancing work and parenting. The internal struggle of feeling inadequate in both roles can be overwhelming. The guilt that accompanies being a working mom is often harsh and relentless.
I once believed that being a hybrid stay-at-home and work-at-home parent would allow me to enjoy the best of both worlds. However, I frequently find myself feeling like I am only partially succeeding in either role. Time is scarce, and when I manage to work, I can’t shake the feeling that my child is missing out on my attention.
Before entering parenthood, I envisioned a serene environment where I could work on my laptop, writing scripts or editing films, while my children played peacefully nearby with imaginative, eco-friendly toys. The reality, however, often involves my son watching a few minutes of a beloved show or engaging with an “educational” online game so I can concentrate on tasks requiring focus.
There have been conference calls where I’ve been embarrassed to show up in my pajamas, cleaning up after my young child’s messes, while my son remains quiet only because I’ve promised him a treat if he can stay silent for a short time. At the local playground, I often see nannies who are fully devoted to their charges, filling the day with activities and playdates. In contrast, my son may only get a brief visit to the park, and even then, I often find myself handling urgent work emails.
While I strive to limit his screen time, allowing only about 30 minutes a day, the reality is that he spends a significant amount of time running errands with me or tagging along to meetings. His days are filled with activities that don’t always focus solely on him, and I can’t help but feel that he deserves more of my undivided attention.
Often, I perceive unintentional judgment from others, such as my husband’s comments about my work schedule or questions from family members regarding my job status. When my mother-in-law innocently asked if I worked full-time, I felt the urge to clarify that my “work” consists of fragmented hours, brief naps, and late evenings.
I could choose to stop working altogether, embracing the role of a full-time stay-at-home mom. My husband primarily provides for our family, and my son would likely thrive with my full attention. However, I recognize that stepping away from my career would mean losing a part of myself. I’ve been involved in creative work since my teenage years; it drives my passion and fuels my motivation. There’s an inherent frustration in knowing that my husband doesn’t have to grapple with the same choices I do, as society often places the burden of guilt solely on working mothers.
If forced to choose, I would undoubtedly prioritize motherhood over my career, as my son is my utmost priority. However, does that mean he should be the only focus of my life?
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In conclusion, navigating the dual responsibilities of work and motherhood can be challenging, and the guilt felt by working mothers is not uncommon. Striking a balance may require ongoing adjustments and honest self-reflection.