Women are experts at juggling multiple roles, and we wear each one with grace. When my twins arrived three years ago, I embraced the title of “mom” wholeheartedly. It’s the most rewarding role I’ve ever taken on, but it’s also a hat that feels like it’s permanently glued to my head.
For a long time, my entire existence revolved around my boys. I had friends, but they were mostly virtual connections. I often neglected to respond to texts. My world was defined by my role as a stay-at-home mom, where my week’s highlights included women’s Bible study, church, and various kid-centric outings like trips to the zoo or library. Every waking moment was spent with my boys, and I cherished that.
But then, I returned to full-time work, and that’s when the mom guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. Suddenly, I was away from my children for 45 hours each week. I felt like I was abandoning them, worried they would resent me for my absence. With their father largely out of the picture, leaving them in daycare felt like a betrayal.
Adding to the guilt was the financial burden of childcare. I struggled with the notion of paying someone to watch my kids while I sought a little “me time.” My budget couldn’t handle it, and emotionally, it felt wrong. As a result, my life outside work and church was practically nonexistent, and I focused on being as present as possible with my boys.
But trying to be supermom 24/7 took its toll. I became irritable and sometimes snapped at my kids when all I wanted was to be the best version of myself for them. I resented the lack of personal time, which began to affect my parenting.
As my boys have grown and I’ve adapted to being a single working mother, I’ve come to realize the need to carve out a space for myself beyond just being “mom.” It’s a sentiment echoed by many: “You need some ‘you’ time.” While this advice sounds easy enough, putting it into practice felt daunting and, honestly, unfair.
Yet it’s essential. This applies to every parent—whether you’re a stay-at-home, working full-time, or juggling part-time work. Even dads need moments away from their kids to recharge. We invest so much in our children that we often forget to invest in ourselves. Imagine a bank account that only ever sees withdrawals with no deposits; eventually, it hits zero, or worse, overdrafts become a reality.
“Too much work and no play makes anyone dull,” and it’s crucial we fill our own cups. Parenting is a demanding job, but it’s vital to step back and embrace our identities outside of this role. Before we were moms or dads, we were ourselves. We had lives—friends, adventures, and even the occasional adult beverage.
While I adore the time spent with my boys, I’ve discovered that I’m a better parent when I take intentional breaks for myself. Being a mom is an incredible title, but I’m also Olivia, an individual deserving of attention and care.
Rediscovering myself has been a journey. I lost sight of who I was during difficult times, including a challenging marriage. But my journey into motherhood helped guide me back to myself. I needed that time as a full-time mom to regain my footing. My boys have always been my sanctuary, but as they grow, I’ve recognized the importance of finding additional sources of joy.
It’s easy to become lost in parenthood. Many couples face challenges after children arrive, and some relationships falter once the kids have left home. If we lose ourselves while raising our children, can we truly be there for them?
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In summary, while being a parent is a beautiful journey, it’s essential to nurture your own identity too. By taking time for yourself, you not only improve your well-being but also enhance your role as a parent.
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