My daughters frequently express curiosity about my upbringing; some evenings it’s genuine, while other times I suspect they are simply looking for excuses to prolong bedtime. Typically, I recount neat little stories that have a clear structure, like the one involving a German shepherd that sent me into a panic during my walk to school, and the creative ways I avoided crossing its path.
However, there’s a deeper narrative I often leave untold, one that I’m only beginning to grasp. My mother was just 23 when I was born, 34 when her marriage ended, and 42 when she embraced sobriety. Through all these pivotal moments, she imparted a subtle yet profound lesson—something that today’s generation may refer to as a “joy-hack,” a term that feels ironic given that her own mother was named Joy.
Financial constraints meant we didn’t possess the latest brands or top-tier items. I wore hand-me-downs, while she crafted her work outfits with her own unique embellishments. While I could say she taught me not to covet material possessions, I must admit I still find myself yearning and shopping! More importantly, she instilled in me the ability to discover joy, irrespective of external circumstances. This has become a vital tool for me, one I wish to pass on to my daughters, yet it can only be truly learned through observation—seeing me reach for solace even when faced with insurmountable odds. I can’t merely tell them, “Girls, even when life gets tough, happiness is still within reach.”
This lesson surfaces in moments when I feel utterly defeated, like the time I discovered a load of laundry had spoiled in the washer. After a warm spell, a rainstorm hit, and my middle child called out, “Mom, I don’t have any pants!” I rummaged through a cupboard and handed her a pair of leggings with stains. “Mom, these have a hole. My teacher sends me to the nurse if I wear something with a hole!”
In that moment, I grabbed my sewing kit and started to mend the tear, but the stretchy fabric started to bunch. Instead of getting frustrated, I decided to sew a smiley face onto the fabric, transforming the mishap into something fun. “Mom, you are so awesome!” she exclaimed, and I quietly reflected that it was my mother who had truly been awesome.
Several years ago, my spouse and I faced potential financial disaster as our business struggled. The weight of despair felt suffocating; I was paralyzed by panic. Yet, in the midst of this turmoil, I found solace on the couch, running my fingers over the threads of a quilt. The comforting pattern and heavy weight provided a sense of peace. As I contemplated the quilt’s colors and textures, I found a glimmer of hope in a green triangle and recalled the warmth of a vibrant orange and red fabric scrap. Life can be overwhelmingly difficult, filled with errors and unfortunate events, but my mother equipped me with the ability to latch onto something positive to safeguard my spirit.
In summary, the essence of my mother’s teachings is not merely about material possessions or outward appearances. It’s about finding joy and resilience amidst life’s challenges. By embodying this principle, I aim to instill the same strength in my daughters, helping them navigate their own journeys with optimism.