When my daughter reached the age of three, her grandmother, her great-aunt, and her great-grandmother collaborated to present her with a lavish pink gift set. It included a baby doll, a diaper bag, and even a tiny diaper for the doll. Additionally, there were princess-themed items such as a tiara, a necklace, a wand (was she a princess or a fairy? The distinction is subtle), clip-on earrings, a dress, and, of course, her very first pair of high heels.
In amazement, I observed as my little one wobbled across the room in her new heels. She radiated joy, not only because of her birthday celebrations and the gifts but perhaps also due to the specific allure of these presents. It seemed she truly enjoyed her new purse, heels, tiara, earrings, and bracelet.
In the ongoing discussion surrounding nature versus nurture, I firmly advocate for the latter. I contend that girls develop a preference for pink princess themes due to societal conditioning. By age three, these notions are so deeply embedded that they seem unshakeable. If you tell a little girl that boys can play with dolls, she may think you’re being silly. Conversely, if you inform a boy that the Cars stickers in a party bag are meant for his sister, he’ll understand that it’s a joke. From birth, we instill these ideas in them, and when they exhibit the behaviors we’ve encouraged, we gleefully declare, “Look! Girls are inherently different from boys! You can’t go against nature.”
However, I must clarify: while I believe that girls are taught to enjoy pink and are not innately drawn to tea parties, I don’t find this perspective overly concerning. Ultimately, my daughter appeared delighted in her high heels, which was all that mattered in that moment. Just look at her with Great-Grandma, playing dress-up with her new baby doll.
A few days later, I gently approached my mother-in-law about this. “It’s fine to give her princess-themed gifts,” I suggested, “but it’s important for her to have a variety of experiences. If you buy her pink items, perhaps consider getting her some non-pink toys too? It’s crucial for her to understand that there’s more to being a girl than just princesses and dolls.”
Initially, I felt defensive when she responded, “I buy her these things to balance your time with her.” However, upon reflection, I realized the wisdom in her words. As a stay-at-home dad raising a daughter who spends most of her time with me, our activities together are not typically “girly.” We play basketball and soccer, hike, and engage with LEGO blocks and puzzles. I haven’t dressed her in a dress once in three years—not out of intent to restrict her preferences, but simply because we enjoy different activities together.
This realization was enlightening. Perhaps the pink items should not be something I resist but rather something to embrace, as they contribute to the balance I wish for my daughter. When she struts around with her little purse, channeling her inner celebrity, maybe I should step back and allow her to explore that side of herself. After her runway moment, I can toss a plastic ball her way and delight in her laughter as she tumbles and then kicks it back to me.
In the spirit of balance, here’s a snapshot of her birthday cake. When we asked what she wanted, she simply said “Princess.” We agreed but emphasized the need for something else to create balance, leading to this delightful cake design… My daughter, the sometimes-princess.
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In summary, balancing traditional feminine influences with diverse experiences is crucial in parenting. Understanding that children are shaped by their environment allows for a more nuanced approach to raising them. Embracing both the pink princess and the adventurous child can lead to a well-rounded and happy individual.