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- Dear Partner, Is Sloppiness Really Necessary?
by Jamie
Updated: Dec. 13, 2019
Originally Published: June 6, 2012
Haiku to Start:
What is happening?
Are you truly this lazy?
Yes, it seems you are.
My spouse is one of a kind. Throughout our decade together, there have been few instances of raised voices or any behavior that might compel a sensible person to flee. He is devoted, affectionate, intelligent, engaging, sentimental, generous, and most importantly, he is a fantastic father—fully involved and eager to spend quality time with our children. He has a great sense of humor, and I cherish his laughter; he greets each day with a smile and a positive attitude. He is a steady provider and values our family and relationship, and these attributes are always at the forefront of my mind.
However, when I wake up each morning and survey our surroundings, I can’t help but wonder—what on earth?
Are those the same baby bottles that were soaking in soapy water last night now sitting in tepid, germ-riddled water? Is that a dirty diaper I see beside the changing table? Didn’t I clean up these toys yesterday, the ones scattered across the floor? Is the TV still blaring? Did the cat actually relieve itself in my closet because the litter box, which I asked you to clean, was ignored?
Are those your pants on the bathroom floor, discarded after your visit to the toilet, leaving the aftermath for “someone else” to handle? And your shirt, just a foot away from the laundry basket—really? I appreciate your good hygiene, but what kind of morning routine do you have that leaves the mirror, counters, and floors drenched?
Did you pull out your toothbrush and toothpaste this morning? I know you did because I put them back every day, but perhaps you expect them to magically return to their holders along with the toothpaste cap, deodorant, and aftershave.
Wet towel = my side of the bed.
But it’s all good because when you come home to take over parenting duties while I retreat to my office to work, I know there’s some chocolate waiting for me—the chocolate you gifted me for Mother’s Day. You ate my Mother’s Day chocolate? Right off my desk?
Let’s also address the refrigerator and food sharing—one cannot simply leave an empty juice jug inside. Leaving just one teaspoon of salsa and saying, “I saved you some,” is not acceptable. No, you didn’t; just finish it. And pesto is not a dip. If I don’t finish my restaurant meal, that doesn’t mean it’s your midnight snack. And baby food? That’s for babies. Baby cookies are exorbitantly priced—not for you, my friend.
I like to eat too, particularly my Mother’s Day chocolate.
Some fundamentals seem to be forgotten:
- Trash: It goes into the trash can. If that part is managed, trash cans get emptied; it’s not a contest to see how much you can cram in before the lid closes. When you change it, that also means putting in a new bag and taking the full bag to the garage.
- Cups: I use them too. Why do we have to wait until we’re down to one cup before you bring in a dozen dirty cups with rotting coffee?
- Your Truck: It is not a trash can. When I have to use your truck, it shouldn’t take a 15-minute clean-up just to find a spot to sit. Also, what is that smell? I transport two kids in my car, and I have never encountered such an odor.
- Your Dresser: It’s meant for folded clothes. I wash, dry, and fold them, so why does it look like a tornado hit your drawer? You needed those shorts, I understand, but the rest didn’t deserve the chaos.
If you’re going to “help” with laundry, please don’t take my socks. I know my underwear isn’t large, but they are not our daughter’s size, so how do they end up in her drawer?
The washing machine is robust, but it isn’t designed to hold four loads at once. One word: separate.
And a “project” should be completed, especially if it requires purchasing an expensive power tool. That tool doesn’t belong on the patio table in the rain. I suspect we wouldn’t need to buy a new one if the old ones weren’t lost in that chaotic garage you oversee, along with the trash and litter box—oh, how that goes.
I’d elaborate further, but I’m exhausted. Just because I stayed up a bit later doesn’t mean you should let our 4-year-old dictate her bedtime. Please put her to bed. That’s all. Goodnight.
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Summary:
This article humorously addresses the challenges of maintaining a tidy household while balancing parenting responsibilities. It outlines common issues faced in domestic life, highlighting the importance of shared responsibilities and communication in a relationship. The author presents relatable scenarios and emphasizes the need for a collaborative effort in household management, particularly when children are involved.