Navigating conversations with parents of autistic children can be challenging. Here are some common phrases that can be hurtful or dismissive, along with more supportive alternatives.
1. “He can’t be autistic because…”
Many parents face skepticism when pursuing a diagnosis for their child. Remarks like “He made eye contact!” or “He doesn’t fit the Rain Man stereotype!” can be frustrating. Parents are already grappling with their child’s diagnosis; they don’t need to defend their observations. Autism is a spectrum that manifests differently in every individual.
Instead, consider saying: “I’m not very familiar with autism; could you share more about your child’s experiences?” This shows genuine interest and a willingness to learn.
2. “He’ll probably grow out of it.”
Years after diagnosis, it’s clear that autism is a lifelong condition. Saying someone will “grow out” of autism minimizes their unique personality and the hard work they put into navigating life. It’s essential to embrace and accept autistic individuals as they are.
A better phrase is: “What are some of his favorite traits or quirks?” This fosters acceptance and understanding.
3. “I read that autism is caused by…”
Avoid sharing unfounded studies that blame parents or suggest environmental factors. Many studies are correlational, and the actual causes of autism are still being explored, with genetics playing a significant role. Discussions about vaccines can be particularly contentious and are best avoided.
Instead, ask: “Are there any resources or books about autism that you’d recommend?” This can promote positive dialogue.
4. “I heard that you can cure autism by…”
The notion of curing autism can be highly offensive. Many autistic individuals value their identity and do not see their condition as something needing a cure. Moreover, many so-called treatments can range from ineffective to harmful.
Consider saying: “What strategies have you found helpful in supporting your son?” This emphasizes understanding rather than seeking to change the person.
5. “You’re my hero!” or similar platitudes.
While well-intentioned, such statements can make parents feel isolated or placed on a pedestal they don’t want. They are simply navigating a challenging situation like any other parent.
A more supportive question is: “How can I assist you?” This acknowledges their struggles and offers genuine help.
6. Silence
Saying nothing can be more damaging than any of the phrases mentioned. Many parents feel isolated due to their child’s condition, making it crucial to engage in conversation. Parents are proud of their children and their accomplishments. So, don’t hesitate to ask questions!
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Summary
When engaging with parents of autistic children, it’s vital to choose your words carefully. Avoid making assumptions, minimizing their experiences, or suggesting cures. Instead, foster open dialogue by asking questions and offering support. Acknowledging their journey and showing genuine interest can build meaningful connections.