During my childhood, I often sensed that my parents had a limited tolerance for many of my choices. They expressed this directly, especially regarding my eating habits. For instance, when I wanted to enjoy a hamburger at a neighborhood barbecue, I could see their discomfort, yet they allowed it—my mother’s subtle grimace being the only sign of her disapproval. Similarly, when I took up cross-country running in high school, dedicating myself to ten-mile runs before breakfast, they tolerated my passion. While they might have preferred I concentrate more on academics like mathematics, they ultimately chose not to interfere.
However, their lack of interference did not equate to enthusiastic support. They allowed my choices, remaining silent and refraining from objection. They tolerated me.
Many parents advocate for teaching their children the concept of tolerance—encouraging acceptance of diverse religions, beliefs, appearances, and lifestyles. While this emphasis on tolerance is valuable, it is crucial to understand that it differs significantly from fostering true acceptance. Teaching a child to simply tolerate the existence of differences is an inadequate substitute for nurturing a heartfelt embrace of those differences.
Growing up in a predominantly white, working-class community where individuals of color and different faiths were often merely tolerated, I reflect on how I want my children to genuinely embrace diversity. I realize that if I only teach them tolerance, I have not succeeded.
Differences among us abound; yet, a shared need for acceptance unites us. By recognizing this connection, we unlock the potential for empathy, love, humility, and a profound sense of humanity. This is the essence I aspire to impart to my children.
Having experienced racism in various forms throughout my life, my perspective on this topic is undoubtedly influenced by those experiences. I am acutely aware that my own children, who are of mixed Indian, Puerto Rican, and Italian heritage, may encounter their own challenges related to race and intolerance.
Lessons to Teach My Children
Here are some lessons I aim to teach my children, Alex and Mia, about transcending mere tolerance:
- Recognize Beauty in Differences: When you meet someone who looks different from you, appreciate their unique beauty—whether it’s their skin tone, eye color, or hair texture. Each of us is special in our own way, and those differences contribute to our collective beauty.
- Cultivate Empathy for All: If you encounter someone with a disability, approach them with an open heart. Offer help when appropriate, and don’t shy away from befriending those who seem different. You might discover shared interests and values that bring you closer together.
- Engage Respectfully with Discussions about Faith: When people share their beliefs about God, listen attentively, but don’t feel pressured to contribute extensively. As your parents, we are navigating our own spiritual journey and may not have all the answers. A respectful nod and smile will suffice.
- Celebrate Love in All Its Forms: If you meet a couple of the same sex, know that love is love. Embrace their relationship with joy and enthusiasm; after all, everyone deserves to find happiness and connection. Just remember, it’s best to wait until you’re at least 21 before exploring romantic relationships of your own.
It is essential to move beyond the passive acceptance of tolerance as the standard. As a society, we often commend ourselves for merely being indifferent to differences, but there is a richer, more rewarding way to navigate the complexities of human diversity. Teach your children the distinction between mere tolerance and the active embrace of our differences. There are appropriate situations for tolerance, but not when it comes to educating our children about thriving in a vibrant, multicultural society.
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In summary, teaching children to embrace differences rather than merely tolerating them fosters a deeper understanding of humanity and promotes a more inclusive society.