A friend once confided in me, “I stepped back in my career.” This remark resonated deeply with me one sunny afternoon as we supervised our children at the beach. We had graduated from university nearly 12 years prior, and now both found ourselves in the throes of full-time employment. This statement encapsulated the experiences of many women in our age group who are choosing to reassess their professional trajectories.
The choices facing mothers today can be bewildering: Should I pursue a more demanding role, opt for a flexible schedule, or take a break altogether? The plethora of information available about the “right” decision can be overwhelming. There’s an endless stream of advice suggesting what you should or shouldn’t do, complete with predictions on how each choice will impact you years down the line. It’s maddening how individuals from various backgrounds engage in this debate, as if a single solution exists for us all.
Before I became a parent, I was oblivious to the complexities surrounding the “working mom versus stay-at-home mom” dilemma. I had no idea it was a topic of extensive discussion, with books, articles, and blog posts dedicated to it. The scrutiny and judgment that women face regarding their choices was completely foreign to me. I certainly didn’t anticipate that my social media feeds would be inundated with content that would lead me to question my own decisions.
Less than 24 hours after becoming a mother to Oliver, I was asked, “Are you planning to return to work?”
“Yes, I am,” I replied earnestly, fully intending to do so.
I had a strong passion for my career in the non-profit sector, where I earned modest pay but found fulfillment. My goal at age 21 was to attain a director position by 30. By 29, I achieved that milestone at a university, despite not being entirely satisfied with the environment. However, I felt a surge of pride for my accomplishments, having navigated my career path with determination and tenacity.
Then, everything changed when Oliver came home.
After a brief maternity leave of three months, I returned to work only to find that Oliver had regressed to a state of distress, reminiscent of our first days together. Each time I picked him up from daycare, he would cry inconsolably, a sound that fractured my heart. The progress we had made in our attachment was fading.
Ultimately, I chose to resign from my director position. I left without hesitation.
The two years that followed, spent at home and then working part-time, were both rewarding and challenging. I cherish the time I had with Oliver. I know I will never regret that choice.
When I made this decision, some friends expressed their surprise, stating, “I value my independence too much to leave my job.” Their comments implied that stepping back from my career made me less capable, trivializing the essential role that stay-at-home parents play.
Last year, I returned to full-time work. Oliver and I were both ready for this transition. I found myself craving mental engagement and was beginning to lose my sense of identity. Within weeks of returning, I felt rejuvenated; my confidence and sense of normalcy returned.
However, I did not go back to my previous role as a director. I was offered a similar position but quickly realized I was no longer interested in that path. Instead, I chose to demote myself. I desired summer hours, time off during school vacations, and the flexibility that came with not being in a leadership role.
My partner, James, continues to work in a demanding job that supports our family financially. He makes significant sacrifices in his personal time to maintain our household. At times, I feel envious of his advancing career and the recognition he receives, but I remind myself of his sacrifices, which fills me with gratitude.
I’m uncertain when, or if, I will fully return to my previous career. I have even contemplated pursuing writing professionally, although it remains a distant aspiration. There are days when I miss the responsibilities and decision-making that came with my past role, but I also appreciate the positive aspects of my current situation.
During those summer afternoons, when I find myself enjoying simple moments like pushing Oliver on a swing or picking blueberries together, I realize these are irreplaceable experiences. I do not regret my choice to engage with my family in this way, even if it means only partially participating in my professional life.
In reflection, I have no desire to reclaim my former title as director.
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Summary
In summary, many women today are reassessing their career paths, weighing the importance of professional aspirations against family commitments. The choices can be daunting, but personal fulfillment and family time often take precedence. Embracing one’s current role, whether it involves stepping back or taking a different path, can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling life.