At some stage in our parenting journey, we must confront the teenagers we’ve nurtured with love and care. It becomes necessary to gently assert, “Time to reassess.” These three words not only guide our children toward becoming better adults but also contribute positively to society.
My parents never utilized such candid language with my siblings and me. Fortunately, at 18, I met someone special who introduced me to this straightforward approach. After a couple of dates and numerous conversations, he expressed a thought many might have had but never voiced. While I was passionately critiquing something he did (perhaps his voting choices), he smiled and said, “Time to reassess.”
That moment changed my perspective. We have been together for over 27 years, and that phrase helped me evolve into a more compassionate individual. I let go of unspoken expectations and recognized that my viewpoint wasn’t always the definitive one. I became more receptive to others’ perspectives and started embracing kindness in small yet meaningful ways.
Life is composed of small actions that accumulate over time. Before long, we find ourselves either acting reasonably or behaving poorly. My transformation into a more reasonable person was gradual; it required several reminders from my partner. Nevertheless, I made a conscious effort to move beyond the self-centered tendencies of my youth.
In contrast, my siblings lacked this pivotal moment of realization. My sister still insists on having everyone comply with her preferences during family vacations, including enduring lengthy operas without breaks. My brother, married to someone who merely nods in agreement, continues to believe it’s acceptable to demand extravagant birthday cakes, simply because they lack preservatives.
As parents who once navigated our teenage years, we understand that this is the critical time when self-centered behavior often emerges. Between the ages of 14 and 18, formerly sweet children can become convinced that the world revolves around them. They require our guidance to help them regain perspective. I took the initiative to tell my sons to “Time to reassess.”
This process isn’t simple, but it’s no different from the challenges we faced during their toddler years when we often sought distractions like cartoons. Fellow parents, we can tackle this together. Here are some common statements from teenagers in our household that needed a gentle but firm reality check:
- “I’m an adult now!”
- “I don’t want to discuss it.”
- “Whatever.”
- “Bobby’s dad said it was okay.”
- “You really enjoy that wine, don’t you?”
- “The game only has three minutes left; I’ll be there for dinner afterward.”
- “Just shake the boxes to see if there’s cereal left.”
- “Why would Aunt Martha’s funeral coincide with the playoffs?”
- “I wasn’t trash-talking; I was just stating facts. I am indeed bringing the heat.”
- “Can you drive back to school to get my gray folder? Or would you prefer I fail?”
- “While you’re up, can you hand me the ketchup, a napkin, more fries, and the remote?”
- “I’d like to finish my thought before you lecture me.”
Let’s unite in this endeavor, fellow parents. We bear the responsibility if our children grow up to be inconsiderate. It’s time to stand tall and say, with warmth and humor, “Time to reassess.” We will feel good about it, and so will the world around us.
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Summary
Parenting teenagers often requires delivering tough love, such as reminding them to reassess their behavior. This approach promotes growth and helps them become considerate adults. As parents, it’s imperative to guide them through these formative years with kindness and clarity.