Having been married for ten years, I’ve come to realize that my mother-in-law, Carol, is my most valuable partner in marital harmony. She has a unique ability to provide my husband, Mark, with insight when I need it most, especially regarding those perplexing behaviors—like why his shoes are always left in front of the door or why he seems blind to the overflowing laundry hamper.
Carol is not only a master storyteller but also enjoys a glass or two of wine during family dinners, often charming store clerks into accepting returns despite strict policies. At her age—let’s say she’s mature—she can still dance the night away to blues music. While I cherish my friendship with Carol, it hasn’t always been easy. We’ve navigated some challenging moments, particularly when she sided with Mark during a disagreement. Trust me, it’s a slippery slope when you start connecting the dots between your husband’s behavior and how he was raised.
If you’re considering a close friendship with your mother-in-law, adhere to these eight essential rules:
- Avoid Discussing Intimate Topics: Think carefully about whether you want to hear about Carol’s romantic escapades. Keep your own sex life private; to her, your children are products of immaculate conception.
- Refrain from Complaining About Your Kids: No matter your frustrations, your mother-in-law is likely to interject with advice or tell you how wonderful your children are. If you need to vent, save it for fellow parents.
- Don’t Critique Your Mother-in-Law: This one’s obvious but crucial.
- Don’t Overreact to Rule-Breaking During Babysitting: Remember, she’s probably doing you a favor, and spoiling the kids is often part of the deal. You knew this might happen.
- Keep Grumbles About Your Husband to Yourself: If you choose to complain, be prepared for potential backlash. Your mother-in-law might defend him fiercely, which could lead to more tension.
- Avoid Criticizing Your Husband’s Siblings: Tread lightly here. A critical comment about a brother-in-law can linger longer than you think.
- Wine Etiquette: Always let her have the larger glass of wine. It’s a sign of respect.
- Don’t Act Like the Favorite Daughter-in-Law: Even if you feel like the preferred one, it’s best to keep a low profile around other family members to avoid jealousy or tension.
I understand that being friends with your mother-in-law may seem unusual, especially given the notorious tales of difficult in-laws. However, if you’re fortunate enough to have a supportive mother-in-law, embrace that relationship. At the very least, you’ll gain a fabulous friend, and you might also discover why your spouse can sometimes be exasperating. For more insights on navigating family dynamics, you might find this resource helpful: CDC on ART. And if you’re looking for additional guidance on home insemination, check out this blog post.
Summary
Building a strong friendship with your mother-in-law can be beneficial for your marriage, but it requires navigating certain boundaries. Avoid discussing intimate topics, refrain from complaining about your kids or husband, and be respectful in your interactions. If you can adhere to these guidelines, you may strengthen your bond while avoiding common pitfalls.