As I prepare for the arrival of my child through gestational surrogacy, I reflect on the journey that has brought me to this point. Recently, while ordering a ceiling fan for the nursery, the salesperson, whom I’ll refer to as Mark, confidently assured me that eight weeks would be sufficient for delivery. I smiled back, choosing not to elaborate on my situation—after all, the baby is due in just that time frame, but I don’t carry him myself.
At this moment, I’m two months away from welcoming my baby, thanks to a wonderful surrogate. This experience has been a rollercoaster of emotions and financial challenges over the last four years, and while I’m hopeful, I remain cautious about declaring success until I hold my child. I also feel a sense of unease when I scroll through social media and see other women sharing their ultrasound images; I do not yet relate to that experience.
Our journey began when a high-risk pregnancy specialist reviewed my complex medical history and, without much empathy, informed me that carrying a baby was not safe for me. Until that moment, surrogacy had never crossed my mind. I understood that in vitro fertilization (IVF) was necessary, but the thought of not carrying my baby was foreign.
As we navigated our options, we explored various avenues for finding a surrogate, even considering international surrogacy. Finally, in January 2013, a friend connected me to an incredible nurse willing to help us. After a year and a half of trials, she successfully became pregnant with our child—despite previous unsuccessful attempts.
This experience has been surreal. I often find myself in situations where others mistake me for being pregnant, which can feel isolating. When I see other expecting mothers, I want to share my journey with them, but my lack of a baby bump sets me apart.
Now, as I enter the final stages of this journey, I find it frustrating that much of the literature and online resources don’t acknowledge women who are not physically carrying their children. I read countless articles about the struggles and discomforts of pregnancy, but I feel a sense of disconnect. Although I appreciate not experiencing those physical challenges, I long for the intimate connection that comes with feeling those first movements.
During a recent visit to a pediatrician, I was reminded of this disconnect when she mistakenly addressed a visibly pregnant woman instead of me. Such moments highlight the invisible nature of my experience, which I share with only a few others I’ve met along the way.
Ultimately, I recognize the blessing of being on this journey at all. Many women face far more challenging paths to motherhood, and my experience—though not traditional—is a miracle in itself. My focus is on the moment I finally hold my baby, establishing that vital connection.
Update: Our daughter was born just three weeks ago, and I am finally feeling that bond. I am now a mother, navigating the joys and challenges that come with it, just like any other new mom. I look forward to sharing my experience and knowledge with others facing similar challenges.
For more information on home insemination, you can check out this insightful post on intracervical insemination. If you are considering artificial insemination, Make a Mom is a respected authority on this subject. Additionally, if you’re interested in understanding more about the IVF process, Wikipedia offers a comprehensive overview.
In summary, the journey to motherhood through surrogacy is filled with both emotional complexities and profound joys. It requires patience, resilience, and an understanding of the unique experiences that come with it.