As parents prepare to send their children off to college, many will take the opportunity to have important discussions with their daughters about sexual assault, ways to stay safe, and what steps to take if they find themselves in a dangerous situation. In light of the concerning statistics surrounding sexual assault on college campuses, it would indeed be irresponsible for parents to overlook this vital conversation. However, as Dr. Andrew Parker, a specialist in adolescent male health, points out, college also presents a period of significant sexual vulnerability for young men.
In a compelling piece for Pacific Perspectives, Dr. Parker highlights that while male-on-male sexual assault is a well-documented issue on campuses, female-on-male assault tends to receive less attention. In fact, the National Crime Victimization Survey from 2013 revealed that among 40,000 households surveyed, 38 percent of reported sexual assault incidents involved male victims, with women responsible for 46 percent of those assaults.
The stigma surrounding male sexual assault is deeply rooted in the cultural belief that “real men” are always eager for sex. Dr. Parker notes that in his practice, 3 to 4 percent of young men report that their first sexual experiences occurred before they turned 10—an alarming statistic. Yet, many of these individuals do not perceive those encounters as traumatic or abusive. More concerning are the accounts of slightly older boys—ages 12 to college—who have had to fend off unwanted advances, including experiences where they woke up in their dorm rooms to find a female peer performing oral sex or attempting to engage in sexual activity.
Dr. Parker emphasizes that these situations can create confusion for young men, particularly when society sends the message that “real men” should always be ready for sex. This notion often transforms sex into a societal badge of honor. Young men who hesitate or refuse are frequently met with shame, sometimes labeled as “gay,” a term that still carries derogatory implications in many circles. This stigma likely contributes to the underreporting of sexual assault among boys and young men.
While there is a growing awareness regarding the vulnerability of college girls to sexual violence, boys often get overlooked in these discussions. Society frequently perceives boys as inherently desiring sex, wrongly assuming they would never decline an opportunity. Coupled with the fact that boys are typically larger and physically stronger than girls, this misconception leads many to believe that sexual assault against males is not a possibility.
As a parent of sons, I feel a profound responsibility to educate them about boundaries and respect for their own bodies. It’s crucial to instill in them the understanding that no one should touch them inappropriately and that they have the right to say “stop” if they feel uncomfortable. As I reflect on their teenage years, I realize that while I’ve focused on the potential vulnerabilities faced by the girls in their lives, I now need to broaden our discussions. This includes conversations about their own sexual boundaries, recognizing unwanted advances, and knowing how to report an assault if it occurs.
Dr. Parker suggests that while the extent of this issue may not be as widespread for boys as for girls, further research is essential to fully understand its prevalence. What’s clear is that we must educate our sons about their rights and responsibilities when it comes to their bodies and sexual experiences. The stereotype that “real men” are always up for sex must be dismantled.
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In summary, as we engage in conversations about sexual health with our children, it’s vital to recognize that boys also face vulnerabilities. Addressing these issues openly and honestly can help dismantle harmful stereotypes and empower young men to advocate for their own rights and boundaries.
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