In my journey as a parent, I’ve yet to hire a babysitter. More often than not, I find myself convincing my mother-in-law to take care of my children for a few hours, granting my husband and me a rare date night. However, I’ve realized it’s time to seek professional help. I want to have a reliable babysitter on speed dial who can watch over my children (and my house) during those elusive moments of free time.
If I were to draft a job advertisement, it might read as follows:
WANTED: On-Demand Babysitter
A stay-at-home mother of two energetic toddlers under five is in search of a versatile childcare professional. Must possess a dependable vehicle and be willing to navigate the most treacherous rural roads. A positive attitude and adaptable nature are essential. Salary will be based on experience.
Required Skills:
- Ability to withstand a playful punch or an enthusiastic kick.
- Capable of juggling various tasks while maintaining an entertaining environment.
- Fluent in the languages of Tantrum, Sarcasm, and Parental Authority.
- Skilled in delivering the “Mom Look” of disapproval.
- Willingness to referee various chase and jumping games, including but not limited to couch acrobatics.
- Comfortable with creative storytelling to encourage healthy eating, dental hygiene, and bedtime routines.
- Must possess the speed of a cheetah or the agility to swiftly maneuver around children.
- Ability to perform unique vocalizations, such as burping the alphabet.
- Proficient in communicating through songs, rhymes, or high-pitched sounds that terrify pets.
- Maintain composure after repetitive questioning—no matter how many times “Why?” is asked.
- Tolerance for watching the same animated feature repeatedly (ear plugs available near the wine).
- Familiarity with characters such as Elmo, Caillou, or Peppa Pig, even if they are a bit grating.
- Upper body strength is crucial for supporting children who prefer to be carried.
- Must be resilient and maintain a straight face when faced with absurdities like a toddler’s exaggerated claims.
- Ability to handle frequent check-ins from me or extended conversations with my mother-in-law while keeping the kids safe.
- Fresh breath is a must; no onion breath allowed.
- Must not be offended by playful contests among children.
- Willing to read the same story repeatedly without losing enthusiasm.
- Flexibility to work evenings and weekends is essential.
- Patience is key, especially when my decision to hire you leads to last-minute doubts.
This list seems quite reasonable, doesn’t it? What does your ideal babysitter’s skill set look like?
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In summary, finding the right babysitter who possesses a unique blend of skills and experience can create a smooth and enjoyable experience for both parents and children alike.