As my birthday approaches, I’ve decided to treat myself to a day filled with delightful activities that are sure to drive my partner, Alex, a bit bonkers. In return, he has graciously agreed not to voice any complaints or roll his eyes at my whims. Here’s a tentative list of my plans, which I may adjust as the day unfolds:
- Leave all my bathroom cabinets and dresser drawers ajar while ensuring at least three pairs of flip-flops are scattered throughout the house.
- Call Alex on his office phone, then his cell, and back to the office line just to inquire about dinner options—after all, his meeting can wait for my pressing question!
- Send him a text message with an exhaustive list of trivial tasks for him to complete, punctuated with cheerful smileys and x’s and o’s.
- Drive to dinner while cranking up the AC to dry my hair, which curls much better this way than with a diffuser. I might need to leave a bit early to maximize our travel time.
- Spend a good 15 minutes at the restaurant deliberating over the menu, ultimately concocting an entirely new dish by merging three different items.
- Treat the hostess stand like a treasure trove, discreetly filling my bag with free toothpicks, matchboxes, and mints.
- Stop by the Dollar Store before the movie for snacks, avoiding the overpriced theater options.
- During the film, I’ll munch away on my bag of Sour Patch Kids, content with the crinkly bag that adds an extra crunch.
- Make a late-night trip to Walmart for 20 items I’ve postponed buying for a month, ensuring I compare prices and use coupons, all while paying with coins I’ve been carrying around.
- Finally, I’ll indulge in slathering my feet in Vaseline, wrapping them in plastic and wool socks while I sleep—does it make my feet feel soft? Maybe not, but it’s worth a try.
- Tossing and turning all night, I will claim every blanket and pillow in sight.
This sounds like the perfect way to celebrate my birthday—at least in my eyes.
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In summary, I plan to embrace my birthday with a full day of light-hearted mischief that is sure to amuse me and, hopefully, not irritate Alex too much.